


i don't know anything, but i know i miss you

by scrappylittlegleek



Category: Supergirl (Comics), Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Injured Lena Luthor, Lena Luthor Finds Out Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Medical Trauma, Physical hurt, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:47:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 31,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25741561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrappylittlegleek/pseuds/scrappylittlegleek
Summary: An accident in the lab leaves Lena in the hospital in critical condition. When she finally wakes up with Kara at her bedside, she has no memory of who she is or of her life at all.No longer able to fully take care of herself due to her injuries, she moves in with Kara, who teaches her about who she used to be and what they had before the accident. And even though Lena has no idea who she is or who she was, she finds a new sense of belonging with her.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 244
Kudos: 718





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is such a terrible summary but I actually kind of like what I did with this so uhhh i hope you guys do 
> 
> Trigger Warning- I'm not sure if it's necessary for this chapter, but in the future this story will talk a lot about medical trauma and the psychological burden that comes with losing your entire sense of self.

One second, that’s all it takes. One second and with the blink of an eye, time stops turning. That single moment is enough for the whole world to be pulled out from under you, for everything to vanish. For the ground to be pulled beneath your feet, leaving you stranded and alone with no end or help in sight. 

For Kara, she’d been in a meeting. She was being assigned this week's article topic. It was National City Fashion Week and CatCo Magazine employees were all buzzing with excitement. Lena was well aware of this. She knew how busy Kara had been the past few days. She knew when her lunch break was and Kara knew Lena respected her career too much not to call her while she was working. And she knew Lena was always far too preoccupied with L Corp to call any time before noon.

So that second when Kara’s phone started buzzing and she saw Lena’s name on the caller ID, she knew something had to be wrong. She ignored Snapper’s death glare and ran out of the room, as her heart pounded against its chest, hoping to Rao Lena wasn’t in some sort of danger. 

“Is this Kara Danvers?” 

It wasn’t Lena’s voice. 

“Yes, who is this?” 

“This is National City General Hospital, I’m Dr. Gray. You were listed as Lena Luthor’s emergency contact. I’m sorry to inform you, but she’s been in an accident.” 

“What? Is she okay?” Kara brought a hand up to her mouth as the rest of the office buzz began to settle behind her like fog. A weight fell to her chest, pushing through her heart as she listened to the woman on the other line explain what was wrong with her girlfriend. It was as if the ground had completely crumbled beneath her and now she was left stranded and alone to pick up the shattered pieces.

“It’s hard to tell exactly what happened, but the paramedics said there was a chemical fire at the scene. She has a broken fibula, tibia, and ankle in her right leg, a dislocated wrist, and multiple second and third-degree burns. She’s currently in surgery to stop the internal bleeding, but she’s stable and should be out soon.” 

“Oh my-- can I-- do you know when I’ll be able to see her?” Kara asked, biting down on the inside of her mouth as her eyes filled with tears. 

“If all goes well, the surgery should be over in about half an hour. She won’t wake up right away, but you’ll still be able to see her then.” 

Kara nodded, offering a quiet _thank you_ before turning off her phone and stuffing it back into her pocket. Her head was spinning in every direction, her face was burning but her body was overcome with chills. She couldn’t even think, she couldn’t find a piece of rationale within her. She couldn’t even bring herself to try, it was all too much. 

And before she knew it, she had run out of the office then pushed off the ground, not stopping until she was far above the clouds, feeling the cold air on her face as she closed her eyes and brought her shaky hands up to her forehead. 

Lena was in an accident. There was a fire and now she was in the surgery with multiple broken bones, burns, and internal bleeding. She was in the hospital because no one had been there to rescue her. 

Kara swallowed the lump in her throat and balled her hands into fists, digging her nails into the palm of her hands and not stopping until she broke her skin. She was Supergirl, it was her job to help people. She saved people from fires every day, she saved people from far worse than fires. She was supposed to be a hero, it was the bane of her existence.

How could she have let this happen? How could Lena have been in an accident and she hadn’t even known? How could she let her girlfriend, her best friend, her _person_ go through what Lena had gone through?

Everything she did was to help others, how could she leave the person she loved all alone when she needed her most?

Kara allowed herself one more deep breath before she took off once more, not stopping until she got to the hospital. She had to see Lena. She had to make it right.

* * *

“I’m here to see Lena Luthor, Dr. Gray-- sh- she said she was brought in a- about an hour ago,” Kara told her receptionist, her voice hoarse and raw from crying. 

“She’s still in surgery. You can take a seat in the waiting area and someone should be out to update you soon.” 

“Oh, thank you,” Kara said, attempting to muster up a small smile.

Shouldn’t Lena have been out of surgery already? She wanted to ask but she knew if the answer was yes that would mean something else was wrong and Kara wasn’t sure if she could handle hearing that on top of everything else. So she went to the waiting room and took a seat by the window. 

She put her head in her hands as she waited, closing her eyes to try and focus. Normally she could hear Lena’s heartbeat so easily. When they had sleepovers, she used to drift off to the quiet sound, each beat a reminder of how lucky they were to have each other. But here, with all the machines and monitors and hoards of people, the noise just seemed to jumble together, colliding painfully in her ears the way it used to when she was younger. 

“Are you with Lena Luthor?” 

Kara quickly stood up at the sound. She couldn’t be sure how long she’d been waiting but they were finally updating her, that had to mean Lena was out of surgery, right? 

“Yeah?” 

The doctor smiled and took off his scrub cap, holding it in both his hands. “The operation was successful. There was a minor complication but we were able to get it under control. Lena’s in the now ICU and should be waking up sometime today.” 

“Oh thank God,” Kara breathed, bringing a hand to her chest. “Can I see her?”

The doctor nodded, his expression turning solemn. “She’s still unconscious, but yes. I should warn you though, it won’t be easy to see her this way. She was just under anesthesia so she's heavily sedated and she's currently reliant on multiple devices to keep her stable.” 

“I can handle it,” Kara said. 

With that, she was walked to the ICU, the doctor leading her down the long hallway to the room at the end. He opened the door for Kara and told her to press the button above Lena’s bed if anything happened. Once the door shut, Kara looked over at Lena, feeling the weight of her failings crash onto her shoulders at the sight in front of her. 

Seeing her for the first time, Kara couldn’t help but let a sob escape her lips. It just didn’t make any sense how this could have happened, how she could've missed this.

Kara held out a hand to take Lena’s in her own but stopped herself, her fingers trembling as Kara carefully examined her. Lena looked so small, so fragile, and breakable. Kara couldn’t help but worry if she touched her, she’d just break into pieces.

There was a clear tube going down Lena’s throat, kept against her face with medical tape. An IV had been placed in her right hand, which fell limp by her side. Her left arm lay across her stomach, held in a plaster cast and sling. White bandages were wrapped around her hairline, covering burns Kara knew she didn’t want to see. And beneath the pale blue blankets, Kara could make out the shape of a cast that reached from the top of Lena's thigh to the bottom of her foot. 

The monitors next to her beeped steadily, a reassuring reminder that through all of it, Lena was still alive. She was fighting, just like she always did. 

Kara pulled a chair next to her bed and sat down, gently brushing her finger against the back of Lena’s hand, carefully avoiding the tube and dressing. She cleared her throat as a single tear fell, the nightmare finally starting to feel like reality. 

“Lena… I don’t know if you can hear me but I… I’m here,” Kara said, doing everything she could not to break down completely. “I know you hate hospitals so I just… I don’t want you to think you’re alone.” 

Kara bit her lip and swallowed the lump in her throat. “And I… I want you to know, I’m sorry I wasn’t there, I should’ve been and I- I’m sorry I didn’t save you.”

Kara sighed as the tears burning in her eyes began to spill over. She looking back down at Lena’s hand, praying that maybe she’d move a finger or try to squeeze Kara’s hand back. That was how it always happened in movies and tv shows, they always moved, they always gave some sort of signal. And even though she knew it was just wishful thinking, that Lena had only just gotten out of surgery and her injuries were far too severe for her to regain consciousness already, she couldn’t help but be disappointed when nothing happened. 

“I know you,” Kara said softly. “I know you never go down without a fight. And you’re so headstrong and stubborn, I probably don’t even have to tell you anything. But please _,_ Lena, _please_ be okay.” 

She leaned down to place a gentle kiss on Lena’s hand, but just as her lips brushed against Lena’s skin, Lena’s entire body began to shake beneath her. Kara jumped back as the beeping on the monitors picked up their pace and she hit the red button above Lena’s bed, cueing multiple doctors pushing a blue crash cart and nurses to rush into Lena’s room. 

“You need to leave, now,” a nurse said as she tilted Lena’s bed back so she was laying completely flat. Kara could feel the oxygen leaving her lungs as she left the room, watching the blurry image through the window. Lena’s gown was pulled back and one of the doctors injected something into her thigh. She heard another one yell _clear_ then everyone took a step back as pushing two paddles against her chest. Kara gasped as she watched body lurch forward before going limp again.

As paddles were placed back onto the cart and the beeping went to normal, Kara breathed a sigh of relief. Lena was okay, for now at least, she was alright. Now, all she had to do was make it through the next twenty-four hours, and maybe everything would be alright.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena wakes up with Kara and Alex by her side, but when she does, she can't remember who she is or anything about herself.

Kara woke up to 6 missed calls, 10 texts from Alex, and a very angry voicemail from her boss telling her if she didn’t have a very good reason for taking off in the middle of a meeting, she was going to be out of a job. She groaned as she went through her messages, most of the texts from Alex asking where she was and why she hadn’t shown up to the DEO. With everything going on, she didn’t have the energy to call her back and explain and Kara certainly didn’t have it in her to go to either one of her jobs, so she simply replied  _ Lena’s in the hospital _ to her sister and told herself she’d email Snapper back later. She’d already lost control over what felt like everything else in her life, she didn’t have enough left to worry about what he had to say right now.

Kara then made her way back over to Lena’s room to check on her through the window. Ever since her seizure, Kara hadn’t been able to bring herself to ask if she could go back to sit with her. She knew there was no way it was her fault, but she couldn’t help but worry if she was too or sat too close she might somehow make her worse. So Kara stayed in the waiting room and checked on her once every hour and feeling her heart fall every time she saw Lena hadn’t improved. At some point, she must’ve fallen asleep though, because now, it was morning and there was a new receptionist at the front desk. 

Kara sighed as she brought a hand up to the glass, tilting her head to the side and trying to pick up on the sound of Lena’s heartbeat. But just like the day before, the whirring of the ventilator and beeping of her heart monitors made it impossible to narrow in on the quiet sound. 

“I’m sorry, but you can’t be back here unless you’re family.” 

Kara turned around to see a nurse holding a binder with patient charts standing behind her. 

“Oh-- I’m sorry, she’s my girlfriend. I just wasn’t sure if I could go in,” Kara explained, smiling nervously. It wasn’t a complete lie, she was Lena’s girlfriend. She’d definitely been avoiding going back into her room though. 

“You can go in, you just can’t linger in the halls.”

“Right, I’m sorry.” 

The nurse brushed it off, following Kara is she walked inside Lena’s room to check her vitals. 

Kara stuffed her hands into her pockets and shifted her weight between her heels, watching as the nurse switched out the bags of fluid attached to Lena’s IV. 

“This is really stupid but… can she hear me?” Kara asked. “I was talking to her yesterday and I-- even though she’s awake, is it possible that she knows I’m here?” 

The nurse nodded. “Most likely yes. A lot of comatose patients that wake up actually say they heard their loved ones talking to them while they were unconscious.” 

Kara smiled and nodded. Now that she was actually in Lena’s room, even though the fear that she might break her wasn’t gone, she was glad she’d come inside. Lena needed her, and in these moments, she knew she didn’t want to be lingering in the waiting room. Especially if things took a turn for the worst.

Once the nurse left, Kara sat back down at the same chair as yesterday, placing her hand next to Lena’s but not allowing herself to touch her. Not until she knew Lena was okay.

And after a moment of silence, Kara built up the courage to say something.

“Hey, Lena,” she began softly. “It’s Kara again. I know if you can hear me you can probably recognize my voice… but just in case, I dunno, I don’t want you to freak out and think some random stranger’s talking to you. You like to be in control of things and right now… well, no one’s really in control of anything.” 

Kara bit her lip and folded one leg over the other. 

“But you know… maybe this isn’t terrible. You’re probably getting more sleep now than you got all of last week combined,” she said with a forced laugh. Lena was always better with dark humor than she was, especially in dire situations like this. “Sorry… too soon.”

“You’re just always so good at staying calm when terrible things happen. I don’t know how you do it, but I could really use some of that right now,” Kara admitted, trying to keep her voice from breaking by clearing her throat. “You’d probably fill yourself with caffeine and drop everything to stay with me, but unfortunately, you know how much I hate coffee, and even though I’ll eat a dozen donuts for breakfast, soda before 10 am just feels wrong.” 

“I will stay with you for as long as it takes though,” she added for good measure. “Even if it means I have to drink bean juice.”

“Kara?” 

Kara whipped her head around to see Alex standing in the doorway. 

“Kara, oh my God.”

Kara hurried over to her sister, immediately wrapping her arms around her and holding her in a tight embrace. “When you said-- I didn’t realize it was this bad.”

She soothingly rubbed Kara’s back, looking over at Lena, lying lifeless in front of them. 

“Do you know when she’s supposed to wake up?” 

Kara shook her head. “The doctor said they thought she would’ve woken up yesterday. Apparently the twenty-four hours after surgery are crucial to recovery so if it doesn’t happen soon…”

Alex nodded, holding her even tighter. “Have you been home?” She asked. “Have you gotten changed or brushed your teeth?” 

“No, I’ve just been in the waiting room,” Kara said as she pulled away. “I haven’t even eaten anything since I found out, I’ve just been too worried.”

Alex nodded once more, feeling her heart stop at those words. Kara never restricted food, accidentally or intentionally. She never thought she would’ve heard her say something like that. 

“There’s a coffee cart outside, I can get you a bagel and some pastries if you’d like,” she offered. “I know you’re not gonna want to leave her, but you really should eat something.” 

“Thanks, Alex,” Kara said, managing a small smile. 

“Of course,” Alex said. “And I can tell everyone you won’t be in today, I bet I’ll even be able to persuade J’onn to cover your Supergirl duties.”

“That would be great, thank you,” Kara replied. 

“Yeah… well, I’m gonna get you a toothbrush and some breakfast. I’ll be back in like ten minutes, text me if you need anything else.”

“I will.”

* * *

“Is this blueberry?” 

“Yeah, they were out of chocolate chip.”

“Oh.” 

“Hey, it wouldn’t kill you to eat something with fruit for once, I’m just saying.” 

Lena’s chest tightened as she was strangled by what felt like a piece of plastic stuck in her throat. She tried to cough so she’d be able to throw it up, but all that came out was a weak sputter and glob of spit. 

“Kara, Kara look,” one of the voices exclaimed. “She’s breathing over the tube. I’m gonna get the doctor.” 

“Oh Rao, I knew you’d wake up,” came the other voice. 

Footsteps quickly followed, steadily approaching her body. And before she knew it there were hands on her face, pulling the long piece of plastic out of her throat as she sputtered and coughed, the fresh air hitting her mouth like a brick wall.

A cloth was wiped across her lips and chin to clean up the drool before another mask was placed over her nose and mouth. As the oxygen-filled her body, she tried to move, to pull herself out of this trance, and see where the hell she was. But she was paralyzed, unable to move even a finger. And the more she tried, the more it hurt. 

It shot through her head and burned a hole in her heart. The nerves in her arms and legs screamed in pain as she struggled, it was like she was being crushed all over again, but she wasn’t even moving. 

“Lena, hey, I’m right here. And I know you’re probably scared a- and confused but please… I’m right here, please wake up.”

Slowly, Lena’s eyelids fluttered open, the piercing white light nearly blinding her. When she opened them once more, she gasped for air, her eyes widening as she tried to figure out where she was. Her vision was blurred but she could somewhat make out a white sofa and the blue blanket covering the rest of her body. With a quiet groan, she tilted her head to the side, seeing a woman with long blonde hair and tears running down her cheeks sitting at her bedside. 

“Ms. Luthor, welcome back,” said the doctor checking her vitals once more. “Do you mind if I ask you a few questions? It’s routine for patients with head injuries like yours.” 

_ Patients? _ A hospital, she was in a hospital. 

She nodded, cringing at the pain that shot through her head at the movement. 

“Can you tell me your name?” The doctor began. 

Kara watched as Lena furrowed her brow and opened her mouth to speak. A small croak came out, but no words. 

_ Lena. _ She’d heard someone call her Lena. But she couldn’t be sure if she’d ever heard it before. It didn’t sound familiar, it didn’t sound like it belonged to her. 

She closed her eyes and tried to think back. It was her name, just her name, she shouldn’t have had to think, it should’ve just been there. But there was nothing, her mind was completely blank. 

“How about your age, do you know how old you are?” 

Lena could feel her chest begin to tighten as the reality began to sink in. It was all blank, all of it was gone. 

“Maybe she just can’t talk yet,” Alex said softly, setting a reassuring hand on Kara’s shoulder. “She had a tube down her throat and she’s in a lot of pain, it might take a little while.” 

“Your sister’s right, once the soreness from the vent wears off she should be able to communicate with no problems,” the doctor said. “I’ll come back in a little bit to check on her again. If anything changes, just page one of the nurses and they should be able to help you out.” 

Kara nodded. The doctor left and she turned back to Lena, smiling sadly. She reached out and took Lena’s hand in her own, her breath catching in her throat when a puzzled expression crossed Lena’s face and she tried to pull her hand away. The movement wasn’t much, but Kara could feel her fingers recoil ever so slightly, she could feel the way her body tightened at her touch. 

“Lena, you… you remember me, right?” 

Lena’s eyes filled with tears at the question. She didn’t shake her head no, but the confusion written all over her face was enough to know she really did have no idea who she or anyone else was. 

“Kara, she hit her head it might just take some--” 

Before Alex could even finish her sentence, Kara bolted out of the room. Alex sighed and followed her into the hall, not saying a word as her sister finally began to break. 

“She doesn’t know me,” Kara fell to her knees as she sobbed. “She-- she doesn’t even k- know who she is.” 

She brought her hands up to her forehead and pressed her fingers into her scalp, her whole body wreaked with her cries. “How can it all be gone, Alex? How can that happen?”

Alex sat down beside her and wrapped a comforting arm around Kara’s shoulder. 

“Remember that mission a few years back? We were in Metropolis and I fell on my head and when I woke up I couldn’t remember anything from the three weeks before,” she said softly. “And you had to keep reminding me of things because my memory kept resetting, but after a few days it all came back and I could retain things again.”

Kara shook her head and hid her face in her hands. “That was different, you knew who you were. Lena-- Rao, Lena doesn’t even know her name.” 

She closed her eyes as everything she’d been keeping inside the past day began to fall out. 

“It isn’t fair, she-- she doesn’t deserve this, why can’t she remember?”

“I know, but maybe--” 

“Alex, did you see the way she looked at us, how she flinched when I touched her? She has no idea who she is o-or who I am and she-- she’s  _ scared _ of me! It’s not just gonna come back.”

“She’s not scared of you, she’s scared of everything,” Alex said. “She just woke up in a body she doesn’t recognize, attached to a million tubes and machines with doctors crowding her and all of us asking her questions she isn’t able to answer. She’s overwhelmed and confused but that doesn’t mean she’s afraid of you.” 

“If I had just been there,” Kara cried quietly. “If I’d known, if I’d done something she-- she’d be okay, she’d remember and she-- she wouldn’t even be here.” 

“You couldn’t have known,” Alex reminded her. “You said it yourself, she was alone when it happened, nobody knew.” 

“It doesn’t matter, I’m supposed to be Supergirl, I’m supposed to save people, it’s what I do.” 

“Well, there’s nothing we can do about it now. I know it hurts Kara, but what’s done is done, there’s nothing left to change.” 

Kara shook her head, drawing in a long breath as she stood back up and looked over at Lena through the window.

“I can help her,” she breathed, watching Lena as she held her hand against the glass.

Lena had her head tilted so she could look through the other window in her room at the view of the city below. Her eyes were wide and glossed over, filled with fear and uncertainty. She was absentmindedly chewing off the skin on her bottom lip the way she always did when she got overwhelmed. And if Kara looked past all the wires and medical devices, all the cuts on her face and burns on her chest, she almost looked normal. Like she’d had a long day at work and was just stressing about a board meeting in the morning. 

“I know it’s selfish but I… I just want her back, I want to help her get there,” Kara said. “I know she’s here and I can’t change anything. And I- I am  _ so _ grateful that she’s alive it just… she isn’t herself and I.. I miss who she was.”

“I get it,” Alex said and placed a gentle hand on her back. “And no one can blame you for being upset. But Kara even if she does get her memories back, she may not be the same after this.”

“This should’ve never happened.” 

Kara wrapped her arms around her stomach, holding herself tightly. “I just want her to know how sorry I am. I-- I do want to talk to her and I-- even if she doesn’t know who I am, I still love her.”

“Kara, you have such a big heart, but helping her relearn who she is, that’s going to be an incredibly hard, painful process for both of you. It’s okay to be selfish, you have to be thinking about yourself here too.”

Kara turned to face Alex, sniffling as she wiped her eyes. “I am. But she deserves to know, she deserves to have someone by her side through all of this.” 

Alex nodded. “Then you should go talk to her, tell her what she wants to know and if that’s nothing, then just be there for her.”

“Okay,” Kara said, wiping her palms on her pants and trying to recompose herself. “Could you give us some time alone? I just… I don’t want to bombard her and freak her out even more.” 

Alex nodded. “Of course.”

* * *

Kara took a cautious step into Lena’s room, quietly shutting the door behind her and offering a warm smile to hide just how scared she really was. She’d been so afraid of losing Lena she hadn’t even considered what would happen if Lena woke up and wasn’t the same. But Lena was here, she was changed and she was lost, but she was alive. And Kara couldn’t let herself take that for granted. Even if she blamed herself for the whole thing.

“Hey, I’m sorry I ran out earlier,” she said. “I was just freaked out and…” 

Kara’s voice trailed off as she glanced down at the ground. “But you must have a lot of questions and if I can, I want to give you answers.” 

She took another step forward and gestured to the folding chair next to Lena’s bed. “Do you mind if I sit?” 

Lena moved her hand somewhat and vaguely motioned to the seat. The effort to move her head to signal a yes or no response was far too agonizing and her throat still ached from the ventilator. But Kara picked up on her small movement and smiled as she sat down, relieved that Lena wasn’t as afraid of her as she’d initially thought. 

Lena parted her lips and a hoarse breath came out. Kara’s brow knit together as she tried to decipher what Lena was trying to tell her, but the fogginess of her oxygen mask made it hard to tell she was moving at all. 

“Here,” Kara said, holding her hand out in front of Lena’s. “I can ask you things and you can squeeze once for yes, twice for no, is that okay?” 

Lena wrapped her hands around Kara and used all her energy to tighten her grip on her palm, giving her a small, but clear squeeze. 

Kara grinned. “Alright. I guess we should start with the basic stuff, can you remember your name?” 

Two squeezes. 

“Your full name is Lena Kieran Luthor,” Kara said. “You used to joke about how your middle name is a boy’s name and that you thought your mom just misspelled Keira on the birth certificate. I always thought it was cool though, it makes your name unique.” 

She could see the sides of Lena’s lips turn up into a smile. Part of her wanted to ask if hearing that had triggered any memories, but she knew it was too soon for that to happen. And if it hadn’t Kara didn’t want to leave Lena feeling guilty on top of everything else. 

As she looked down, she noticed Lena slowly lifting a finger off her hand and trying to point it in Kara’s direction. 

“You want to know my name?” 

One squeeze.

“Kara Danvers. And the woman that was in here earlier, that was my sister Alex.” 

Lena’s grasp fell weak around Kara’s hand as she opened her mouth to try to speak once more. Her chest rose quickly as she wheezed, unable to make the sound loud enough to be understood. Her eyes filled with tears and she struggled to lift her hand to point to what she wanted. But the movement sent a sharp pain shooting up her arm, starting at where her IV was lodged into her hand, causing her arm to fall limp against the bed. 

“It’s okay, don’t hurt yourself,” Kara said as calmly as she could. “I’m right here, I’ll figure it out, just don’t strain yourself.”

“Is this what you were pointing too?” She asked, pointing to Lena’s mask. 

Lena blinked once and the tears began to spill. 

“Was that a yes?” 

Another blink. 

Lena opened her mouth once more, her face crumbling as she tried to tell Kara with everything she had in her what it was she needed. 

“Do you want me to take it off?”

_ Finally. _ She blinked again. 

Kara nodded and gently removed the mask, holding it below Lena’s chin so she could quickly put it back on once she started to need it again. 

This time, instead of trying to speak, Lena mouthed the words, repeating them a few times until Kara was able to make out some of it. 

_ You…. friend… are you my friend? _

Kara smiled, tears springing to her eyes at the question. “Yeah, you’re my best friend,” she said and swallowed the lump rising in her throat. 

Lena frowned as she saw the way Kara’s expression changed.

_ I’m sorry. _

Kara shook her head. “No, Lena, don’t be sorry. This isn’t your fault, none of this is your fault.” 

She took a tissue from the box on Lena’s bedside table and gently wiped the tears from her face and the snot beneath her nose. Lena had absolutely no idea who she was and somehow, she hadn’t changed a bit. The nervous habits, the stubbornness, apologizing for things she had no control over. The Lena she knew and loved was still in there somewhere, even if she couldn’t remember, even if she was changed for good. Kara could see it in her eyes, she had to still be there. And she wasn’t going to lose her again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This hurt so much to write but Lena's awake!! I really hope you guys liked this chapter and feel free to lmk what you thought, I love hearing your feedback :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena starts to wonder about her parents and why no one other than Kara has come to see her. Kara goes back to work and breaks down from the stress. 
> 
> Trigger warning- brief mention of blood and vomit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when i say this chapter HURT to write

“Kara?” Lena slipped her mask down and attempted to tilt her head away from Kara’s direction as she coughed. 

“Here.” Kara stood up and took the cup of water off the tray held up over the middle of Lena’s bed. She held the straw to Lena’s lips, smiling while she drank. “Better?” 

“Yeah,” Lena said, but coughed again when Kara put the water back on the tray. “I-- I wanted to ask, does my mom know what happened?” 

“What?” 

“Well, you just… you’re the only one here,” Lena explained. She wheezed and shakily brought the mask back up to her face, taking a few breaths before trying to speak again.

“So I was wondering… maybe she doesn’t know and that’s why she never came.” 

Kara anxiously rubbed her collar bone and looked down at her lap. She knew this was inevitable, Lena asking about her parents and why they weren’t with her. It hurt so much the first time around, watching Lena do her best to push through everything they inflicted on her, seeing the way she struggled to accept Kara’s love and even just the notion anyone at all could care about her. Kara hated that now she’d be the one forcing Lena to relive it all again. And this time as someone who had no idea, who was hoping to see her family again after losing all sense of reality. It felt like pushing her through the trauma all over again. 

“It’s hard to explain,” Kara said. “But it’s not really in your best interest to see her.”

“How do I know you’re not just saying that?” Lena asked. She wasn’t angry or accusatory, her tone was still soft. She just had no way of knowing what was true and what wasn’t anymore.

“And w-what about my dad? Does he know?” 

Kara wasn’t sure what to say to that. They were such simple questions, why did the answers have to carry so much weight? 

“Your dad… he died when you were fourteen,” Kara confessed, unable to look Lena in the eye. 

“Oh.” 

“I’m sorry, I know that’s now what you wanted to hear.” 

“Well, it’s not like I can remember him in the first place, so there’s nothing to miss,” Lena said. It was almost refreshing to know her witty responses were still there, even if the rest of her wasn’t. 

“What about my mom, is she dead too?”

“No. But the doctor said not to stress you out or force too much information on you at once so I--” 

“Kara, it’s my mom. Why won’t you tell me anything?” 

Kara drew in a long breath and looked back at Lena. Where was she even supposed to start with this?

“You just… you didn’t have the greatest relationship with her.” Kara cringed. That was the understatement of the century. “She didn’t treat you well when you were a kid and it didn’t really end when you became an adult.”

“What about my dad?” Lena asked, her lips pursed into a firm white line, her eyes filling with tears she refused to let spill. “Was it the same?” 

Kara nodded. “It was better, but not good.” 

Lena nodded stiffly. “Do you think she’d want to know?”

Kara shook her head sadly. “I think she’d only use it against you.” 

“Right.” Lena gave a sour smile and she blinked back her tears, her cheeks filling with heat as she tried to push it all down. 

“Lena, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you,” Kara said softly. 

Lena didn’t say anything. She just stared down at her hands and tried to focus on fidgeting with her fingers to calm herself down. She couldn’t be sure if it was something she’d done before the accident, the movement was just a reflex, something she didn’t even think about doing. But with one arm in a cast and sling and an IV in the other, even just the simple stims seemed impossible.

Lena let out a frustrated huff and her head fell against her pillow. She closed her eyes, cringing at the pain that shot through her skull on impact. She couldn’t even play with her hands. The whole mess made her want to break down entirely. But she couldn’t let that happen, not in front of the only person who seemed to care about her. 

As Lena tried to discreetly pull herself back together, Kara glanced down at her watch, her heart skipping a beat when she realized it was almost nine and she’d have to be at work in a few minutes. She’d already taken three days off to be with Lena, she couldn’t miss anymore. Not if she wanted to keep her job.

“Lena, I’m sorry but I-- I’m gonna be late for work.” 

Kara waited for Lena to respond, but Lena didn’t say a word. 

“Should I come back later or do you need time alone?” 

“I’ll be fine alone,” Lena said quietly. 

“Okay, I lo-- I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

* * *

The first thing Kara saw when she walked into the office was a large group of employees crowded around the television mounted on the wall. They all stood in silence as they stared up at the screen, nobody quite sure what to say. 

_“Four days ago, L Corp CEO Lena Luthor, was involved in an accident in her private lab, located in the basement of her office. Sources say she was alone when a chemical fire broke out and was left in the basement for almost an hour before help was called.”_

Kara folded her arms over her chest as she slowly made her way into the crowd. She could feel peoples eyes shifting to her as whispers began to break out between her coworkers.

_“Although there have been no updates on Dr. Luthor’s condition, a photo was released of her on the scene before she was taken to the hospital.”_

Kara gasped as the image was revealed, her heart falling through her stomach at the sight. Lena was on a stretcher being loaded into the ambulance. There was blood coming down from her hairline, reaching all the way down to her ear. An aluminum blanket covered her body, an oxygen mask over her face. There were clusters of people watching, some taking pictures or pointing and staring. Lena’s eyes were closed, but Kara wondered if she knew they were there, if she could hear them, if now, she even knew what the accident was. 

“Alright everyone, back to work,” came Snappers voice as he shut off the television. 

The crowd dispersed and he made his way over to Kara, tapping the remote against his palm. 

“Danvers, you’re close with Lena Luthor, do you think you could get us any information?” He asked. 

Kara bit her lip. She hadn’t disclosed their relationship with any of her coworkers yet, but the signs were clear to anyone who cared enough to pay attention. However, Lena owned the company and was _the_ force to be reckoned with, so no one ever dared bring it up to either of them. 

“It was only a few days ago, I don’t know if she’s ready to talk about it.” 

“You don’t need to talk to her, but you’ve been with her these past few days. It would just be a small update on her condition. You know, whether or not she’s woken up yet, a general summary of how she’s doing,” Snapper explained. 

Kara shook her head. She folded her arms over her chest again, wishing she’d chosen to take another day to stay with Lena. 

“Danvers, every news source out there is working their ass off to get insight on what happened,” Snapper said sharply. “We have an advantage here with you being so close to her. You don’t need to press her for an interview, just get an update.” 

Kara looked down at her shoes, feeling her cheeks grow red with heat. Lena had been awake for less than forty eight hours, she wasn’t even close to being out of the woods yet. And if she did somehow manage to make a full physical recovery, she was never going to be the same. 

It had only been four days, did they really care that little that they were ready to shove cameras and reporters into her face already?

“Listen, I get this isn’t easy, but think about it this way; if we’re not the ones to get an exclusive, it’s going to be another magazine or newspaper, spewing bullshit about what happened, and the public is going to mindlessly believe it because they won’t know the truth. It’s our job to give them that truth.”

Kara shook her head and pressed her nails into her skin. She couldn’t do this, she couldn’t stand here and listen to her boss diminish what happened to a simple 500 word story. 

"I can't, it's too soon." 

"We publish news, as far as I'm concerned, we're already too late," Snapper retorted. 

Kara looked down at her shoes, trying to keep herself contained. It was all bubbling just beneath the surface, all the anger and hurt. 

“Danvers, you hear me?” 

“You want the truth?” She blurted out, her voice much stronger than intended. “The _truth_ is Lena could’ve died and she is still spending every minute fighting for her life. She is hooked up to a million different machines-- they had to stick a tube down her throat and shock her heart because she had a seizure and her heart stopped beating.” 

The entire office was staring now. An uncomfortable silence had settled over the newsroom, the only noise that could be heard was the sound of Kara’s voice echoing against the walls. 

“And she still can’t breathe on her own. She’s been wearing a rebreather mask ever since she woke up because a cannula doesn’t give enough support. And everytime she takes it off to try to talk, she starts wheezing and coughing-- so much that yesterday she threw up because she couldn’t put it back on. She couldn’t stop coughing but her body couldn’t handle the stress, so she sat there, struggling until she threw up,” Kara continued.

She was filled with rage, an anger burning deep inside that she could no longer contain. It wasn’t even Snapper she was mad at. He was a prick, he’d always been and always would be but that wasn’t it. He’d just happened to be the one to push her too far, causing her to finally snap, right in the middle of CatCo, for everyone else to see. 

“She can barely rate her pain for the doctors without losing her breath, how do you expect me to interview her when she doesn’t even--” Kara stopped herself as hot tears began to fall, bringing a hand to her mouth before it was too late. _She doesn’t even know who she is._

She could hear a door open and turned her head to see James emerging from his office, a solemn yet stern look on his face.

“Kara, why don’t you take the rest of the day off?” He said, his voice calm and level. 

“No, I’m fine, I can stay,” Kara said, her voice breaking as she tried to force a smile. 

“Kara, go home.” 

“James…” she looked at him helplessly, begging without saying a word to let her stay. But he didn’t say a word. 

So with a heavy sigh, Kara picked up her bag and swung it over her shoulder. She looked back at the rest of the office and willed herself to stop crying. Everyone was staring in shock, unable to form the words to describe the meltdown they’d just seen from their kind, bubbly coworker. 

Kara turned on her heel, her head hung low as she walked out, waiting to wipe her tears until she was safely back in the elevator. Everything was wrong. And the one person who always knew she could talk to when her world got turned upside down couldn’t even remember who Kara was.

* * *

“There, you’re all done.” 

Lena opened her eyes as the nurse pulled the needle out of her arm and placed it back into his tray. He covered the spot where he’d drawn the blood with a band-aid then set the tray down on the small table next to Lena’s bed. 

“Now, I just need to check the incision site and change the dressing, then I’ll be out of your hair,” he said. 

Lena gave an _okay_ , wincing as he lifted her head and carefully unwrapped the bandages. She could feel his gloved fingers gently brush through her hair to find the small patch that had been shaved before the surgery. 

“Looks good, you’re right on track,” he said with a smile. “It’s still early on, but there’s no sign of infection and your post-op stats are right where they should be.” 

“That’s an incredibly good sign after brain surgery,” he added when Lena didn’t respond.

“Okay...” Lena said, unable to bring herself to be happy about the news. “Can I ask for something?” 

“That depends,” the nurse said as he reached for a fresh roll of gauze. “What is it?” 

“Post-it's,” Lena replied. 

“Post-it’s?” 

“Yeah. To help me remember things.” 

“Oh, yeah, I’ll see what I can do. Do you have a favorite color?” 

“I’m not sure, but I- I think they should be different. Then I can make categories, it’s more organized that way.” 

The nurse nodded, finishing off the last of the dressing. “It is, I always color code my notes.” 

Lena smiled. “Maybe I used to too.” 

“Maybe.” 

He took his gloves off and threw them into the trash can, picking up his tray with Lena’s blood sample kit once he was done.

“Well, you did great today. I’ll be back in a little while to check your vitals and bring you some rainbow post-it’s.” 

“Thank you,” Lena said. The nurse smiled back at her before he left and she drew in a long breath. Her head was throbbing from the exam and all the talking made her throat dry and hoarse. It felt like a burning ton of bricks was sitting on her chest, making even just staying awake exhausting. And the nurse had placed pillows under her heels to prevent bedsores, but the change in position seemed to aggravate the breaks in her right leg. 

She didn’t bring it up though, she didn’t want to be a bother when she had so many people on her case. She couldn’t let herself inconvenience them anymore.

It was so much easier when Kara was there. Then Lena could talk. Sure it was painful, but it helped take her mind off everything else. However, Kara was at work now and she couldn’t call her to come back just because of a little discomfort. Not after Lena had been the one to tell Kara she wanted to be alone.

So now, she was left in her hospital room with the tv across from her bed playing reruns of _The Office_ and a stack of empty jello cups sitting on her bedside table, trying to tell herself Kara deserved the day off and it wouldn’t be fair to ask her to come back.

After all, there had to be a reason no one else had come to see her. She didn’t want to drive Kara away too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry that was so angsty i literally almost cried like three times writing it!! but I hope you liked it and I'll try to update soon!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Idk how to summarize this but uhh angst and fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW- brief mention of suicide

“Hey, how is she?”

“She had a rough night,” Dr. Gray said. “She had a bad reaction to the antibiotics she’s been on the past few days so we’ve changed her prescription. This morning she was still nauseous though, so we’ve been giving her IV morphine to ease the pain.”

“Has that helped?” Kara asked, rubbing the back of her neck nervously. 

“She hasn’t woken up yet, but when she does, she should feel better,” Dr. Gray reassured her. “And we were able to switch her over from the rebreather mask to a cannula, which means she’s one step closer to breathing on her own.” 

“Oh, that’s great!” Kara exclaimed. “She hated the mask so much.” 

Dr. Gray nodded with a chuckle. “Most patients do. You can feel free to go in, she’ll be happy to see you when she wakes up.” 

“She was asking for you yesterday,” Dr. Gray clarified when he saw the confusion in Kara’s face. “She was a little out of it from all the meds but she kept saying your name. She wouldn’t let anyone call you though.” 

“Do you know why not?” 

Dr. Gray shook her head. “She wouldn’t say.”

* * *

Kara made her way into Lena’s room, taking cautious steps so she wouldn’t wake her. Lena was fast asleep, her fingers wrapped around a black pen, a stack of multi-colored post-it’s sitting on the bed next to her. There were sticky notes stuck to the safety railings on her bed and covering every inch of the tray table they used to put her meals on. 

_Kara is your best friend. She has pretty eyes._

_Kara has a sister named Alex._

_You’ll be 26 on October 24._

_Ask Kara if you have siblings._

_Dairy makes your stomach hurt._

_You like The Office._

_Ask Kara about work._

Kara smiled to herself as she picked up a blue paper with sloppy writing that read _morphine feels good._

She put the note back on the tray and sat down beside Lena’s bed. The chair creaked with her weight and Lena began to stir. She groaned and slowly opened her eyes, turning her head to see where the noise had come from. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Kara said softly. 

Lena made a small gesture with her hand as if to brush it off and mumbled something incohesive. 

“How do you feel?” Kara asked. “The doctor said you had a bad night.” 

“I dunno, they drugged me,” Lena mumbled with a small laugh. “I kinda like it, I feel floaty.” 

Kara chuckled. “Yeah, it’ll do that to you.” 

“Did I do drugs before?” Lena asked, her speech slurred ever so slightly. “‘Cause they feel nice. Like… just I’m on a cloud.” 

“On occasion, you’ve had a ‘special’ brownie,” Kara said. “But this is your first time on morphine.” 

“It’s nice. Much better than the alternative,” Lena said, smiling in a way Kara hadn’t seen since before the accident. She then yawned and rubbed her eyes before looking back up at Kara, this time seeming almost withdrawn. 

“I’m sorry… I didn’t really sleep last night.” 

“It’s okay,” Kara reassured her. “You don’t need to apologize.” 

“And meds make me… you know… _floaty_.” 

Kara chuckled and nodded sympathetically. “Yeah. You can go back to sleep if you want. I know the morphine helps, but you shouldn’t stay awake for me if you’re tired and in pain.” 

“I guess,” Lena began, her voice trailing off. “But when I wake up, the meds will wear off and it’ll feel bad again.” 

“Can’t they give you another dose?” 

“I’m pretty sure that’s how addictions start.” 

“Okay, well, it’s up to you.” 

“There’s also…” Lena stopped herself and looked up at Kara, trying to decide whether or not she should say it. She knew it was stupid and childish and humiliating to ask for but Kara was so nice and didn’t seem like the type of person to laugh. But really, there was no way for Lena to know for sure. It had been less than a week and she’d spent most of her time in the hospital either unconscious or so drudged up that it didn’t really make a difference. 

“It’s pretty dumb, but I… I don’t know, I thought I’d ask… it’s just… just silly, I guess.”

“What is it?”

“The first day, when you were waiting for me to wake up, y- you sang to me.” 

Kara’s chest tightened. “You heard that?” 

“Yeah… it’s my furthest memory,” Lena said. She looked down at her hands, trying to find the words to vocalize what she wanted. 

“Do you want me to sing it again?” Kara offered. 

“I know it’s dumb,” Lena said, her cheeks turning bright pink. “You just… you have a really pretty voice.” 

Kara smiled and shook her head. “It’s not dumb,” she said softly. She put her hand on the bed next to Lena’s and awkwardly cleared her throat. 

“ _If I just showed up at your party Would you have me? Would you want me?_ ” Kara began, a smile spreading across Lena’s lips.

_“Would you tell me to go fuck myself_

_Or lead me to the garden?_

_In the garden, would you trust me”_

She could hear Lena’s heart begin to pound. Lena blushed even redder when the monitors picked it up. But Kara kept going, beaming down at her as she sang. 

" _If I told you it was just a summer thing?_

_I'm only seventeen, I don't know anything_

_But I know I miss you"_

_"Betty, I know where it all went wrong_

_Your favorite song was playing_

_From the far side of the gym_

_I was nowhere to be found_

_I hate the crowds, you know that_

_Plus, I saw you dance with him."_

By the time Kara was done with the song, Lena had fallen asleep again with her fingers brushing against Kara’s. Kara let out a shaky breath and put her free elbow on Lena’s bed, resting her head in her hand. Those lyrics meant more than she put into words, more than she might’ve ever been able to comprehend. That didn’t seem to matter, though. Kara knew they were true, and that was enough. 

_I don’t know anything, but I know I miss you._

* * *

“Hey, I brought you some pajamas since-- Lena, what’s wrong?” Kara dropped the bag she’d been holding and rushed to Lena’s bedside. 

Lena shook her head and wiped her eyes, but there wasn’t much she could do to hide her distress. Her cheeks were flushed bright pink, stained with fresh tears that left her eyes red and puffy. “It’s nothing, I’m fine.” 

“Do you want me to get a doctor?” Kara offered. 

“No, no more doctors,” Lena cried, covering her face with her hand. 

“Lena, what is it, what happened?” Kara asked, kneeling beside her bed.

“They need to do another skin graft f- for my chest-- Kara, I can’t do another surgery, I can’t.”

Tears sprung to Kara’s eyes at the sound of Lena’s cries, she could practically feel the pain she was in. Lena’s hand was quivering but the rest of her body, she still could barely move. She was trapped in that hospital room, being poked and prodded at every hour only to get the news that the initial treatments for her burns hadn’t been working and she’d have to go through surgery once more.

It broke Kara’s heart to see it happen. She wished more than anything she could somehow make it better, that she could take away even just some of the agony Lena was in. But with every passing day, she became more and more powerless to the situation they’d been given. And every day, the yearning to go back and stop it before it could even start grew stronger.

“Oh, Lena, I’m so sorry, I had no idea,” Kara said softly, gently pulling Lena’s hand away from her face so she couldn’t touch any of the cuts that had only just healed over. “Is there anything I can do to help before you go in?” 

“I just want to go home,” Lena wept. “O- or know what home is a- and not be so damn confused about everything.” 

“Do the post-it’s help?” Kara asked. By now the sticky notes were hung up and down Lena’s IV pole in addition to the surfaces she’d covered earlier. Almost all of the information was trivial, like the foods she liked and didn’t like, or names of friends she supposedly had. But the purpose itself was pointless. It was all just Lena trying to give herself a false sense of control when really, she was completely powerless.

Lena shook her head. “I memorized all of the notes but it-- they don’t mean anything. Maybe if I had some concept of who I was it would but I… it’s nothing.” 

Kara nodded sympathetically. “This might not help but I… I brought a photo album with me. When you’re ready we can go through it. I don’t know, maybe seeing yourself and your friends might feel better than just hearing all of it and trying to imagine your life before.” 

“Thank you,” Lena said, with a sniffle, managing a sad smile. 

“Of course,” Kara said, smiling back at her. “I also brought you a hoodie and some pajama pants. They’re mine because I didn’t want to go to your apartment and get your stuff without permission so they might be a bit big, but that gown can’t be comfortable and I just kind of assumed… I thought it might be nice for you to get to put some real clothes on.” 

“Why are you doing all this, Kara?” 

“What?”

“Why are you being so good to me?” Lena asked. “You’re doing so much and I-- I’m a mess. I barely know who you are and you-- why are you helping?” 

“Because you’re my best friend and I… I love you,” Kara said softly. “Just because you don’t remember doesn’t mean I don’t care anymore. I will always care about you, Lena. And you have every right to be upset and angry and whatever else right now, I know I would be if I were you. It’s okay that you’re a mess. Honestly, I’d be more concerned if you weren’t.” 

“But Kara, you don’t have to stay, y- you don’t have to put up with me. I-- I’ll understand if you leave.” 

Kara nodded. “Do you want me to leave?” 

Lena shook her head. “But I don’t want to bother you.”

“I know, and I want to stay for as long as you’ll let me.”

“But what if I don’t get better?” Lena asked, her voice breaking. “What if I never remember?” 

“We will cross that bridge if we get to it. But right now, Lena, physically you are getting better,” Kara said. “Before I came in, I was talking to Dr. Gray and he said since you aren’t at risk of heart or lung failure, if you’re up to it, you can go outside today.”

That was enough for Lena to manage a real smile through her tears. “Outside?” 

“Just to the courtyard. And you have to have a nurse with you just in case, but you’ll get to get out of your room for a little while,” Kara said, beaming from ear to ear. “I know it’s not walking again or getting your memories back, but it’s still a big step. One step closer to going home.”

“I really get to go outside?” Lena asked, unable to believe it. 

Kara nodded. “Yeah, whenever you’re ready you can go.” 

“And you’ll come too?” Lena asked hopefully. “If you don’t mind?” 

Kara smiled. “Of course, I’ll come.”

* * *

Kara held Lena’s upper back up with one hand and carefully untied the ribbons on the back of her gown with the other. She pulled the gown around her shoulders, leaving the skin on her back completely exposed to the cool air. 

Kara frowned as she took Lena’s hoodie out of the bag, only just then seeing the purple and brown bruises that lined her spine. 

“Just, let me know if I’m hurting you,” Kara said and draped the fabric over Lena’s shoulders. 

“You’re fine,” Lena replied. 

Kara nodded and took a step forward so she could see Lena’s face. She pulled the gown down further, stopping once she reached Lena’s chest, and holding it up with one hand to keep her covered. With her free hand, she then took Lena’s good arm and slipped it through the sleeve, pausing for a second when the fabric brushed against the IV port in Lena’s hand, causing her to wince in pain. 

“You’re good at this,” Lena commented as Kara zipped the sweater up. Her voice was still raw from crying and there were dark circles beneath her eyes, but she was smiling. Weirdly enough, she’d probably smiled more times today than any of the other days she’d spent in the hospital. So even though things weren’t great yet, Kara counted that as a win. 

“What do you mean?” 

Lena shrugged. “You’re just… you’re good at helping, and not making me feel guilty for needing help.” 

“Well, you should never be made to feel guilty for needing help,” Kara said. “But thank you.” 

Lena smiled as Kara took a pair of blue plaid pajama pants out of the bag and gently pulled back the blanket covering Lena’s legs. Kara set the pants down on the bed and helped Lena lean back, removing the pillow she’d placed on her lap to keep her from bearing any weight on her left elbow or wrist. 

“When your friends get sick, are you the one who makes them soup and texts them reminders to take care of themselves until they get better?” Lena asked. 

Kara chuckled and nodded. “Not with you, though, you’re too stubborn for that.” 

She removed the gown from around Lena’s hips and folded it up neatly then placed it on the chair by her bed. 

“You used to go into work, even if you had a fever. I remember once, we had a lunch date and I came into your office, and you were passed out at your desk with a clump of tissues in your hand. And when you woke up, you insisted you were fine and didn’t need to go home.” 

“Maybe I was fine,” Lena countered. “Maybe I can just push through anything.” 

“Yeah, but just because you can doesn’t mean you should,” Kara pointed out. She gently lifted Lena’s broken leg so she could slide on the pajama pants over the cast, making sure not to move her too quickly or suddenly. 

“Anyways, I somehow got you to listen to me and you agreed to let me take you home. You fell asleep again when I flew-- on the drive home and when you woke up again, you were really out of it, your fever was so high, but you asked me to stay and I helped you to your room, took your heels off for you, and you passed out again.” 

“Did you stay?” Lena asked, smiling as her cheeks turned pink. 

“Yeah, it was a Friday so I spent the night, and the next morning, you were still sick but it wasn’t as bad. So we relaxed all day, and I got you to drink some tea since you couldn’t keep anything else down, and on Sunday you were fine. It must’ve been a twenty-four-hour stomach bug or something because you bounced back incredibly fast.” 

Kara finished pulling the pants up around Lena’s waist and smiled up at her when she was done. “I’ll get the nurse and we can go outside!” She said excitedly. 

Lena laughed at her enthusiasm and gave a small fist pump with her good hand. 

Kara grinned and did the same before turning around to leave.

“Kara?” Lena said and Kara quickly turned back around.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. For everything.” 

Kara smiled, brushing it off as if it were nothing. “Of course.”

* * *

Kara pushed Lena’s wheelchair through the courtyard, the nurse walking beside them holding the pole that supported Lena’s monitors, IV fluids and antibiotics, and oxygen. There were other patients scattered around, sitting on benches and reading or talking with their loved ones.

Lena couldn’t help but wonder if she had someone before it all happened, someone who loved her as more than a friend. She didn’t want to ask about it though, it would seem rather conceded. And considering Kara was the only one coming to see her, she could assume she probably didn’t. 

“Can we stop here?” Lena asked as they approached the fountain in the middle of the courtyard. Kara locked her wheelchair in front of it and took a seat on the bench beside her.

“Do you want to look at the pictures?” She suggested. 

Lena nodded and Kara took the photo album out of the bag hung on the handle of Lena’s chair. As she opened the photo album and flipped through the pages, Lena looked around the courtyard once more. She imagined what it would be like to walk again, to have the cool air brush against her legs as she moved around on her own. 

Now, she had a blanket covering the bottom half of her body and a pillow behind her back so the chair wouldn’t rub against her bruises. But even though it was still assisted, she was sitting up without anyone holding her in place. So she tried to remind herself of what Kara had said earlier; the baby steps still mattered. 

“Okay, this one’s one of my favorite pages,” Kara said, pulling Lena out of her thoughts as she held the book between them.

“This was game night,” she clarified, pointing to the picture in the top left-hand corner. The two of them were sitting on the floor with glasses of red wine on the coffee table in front of them. The lights were dim and Lena could see the edges of a board game poking into the frame. Kara had her pulled into a bear hug, Lena leaning on top of her as they both grinned from ear to ear.

A crinkle appeared between Lena’s eyes and Kara could hear her breath catch in her throat. She lifted a shaky hand and traced it over the picture of her, stopping at where her long dark hair fell past her shoulders. 

“We look so happy,” she whispered with a sad smile. 

“Yeah,” Kara said, resisting the urge to tuck one of Lena’s stray hairs behind her ear. “We were playing this trivia game against my sister and her girlfriend Maggie, and Nia and Brainy, and we were a team together, and you absolutely crushed everyone else. But I mean, it wasn’t a surprise, you basically know everything.”

Kara stopped herself, remembering that Lena had no idea who any of those people were or what she meant when she said she knew everything. 

“Nia works at CatCo magazine with me, we’re both reporters,” she clarified. “Brainy’s just… a mutual friend.” 

“Why do you call him Brainy?”

“Oh, it’s just a nickname. He’s basically a genius so it just makes sense I guess,” Kara explained. 

“Did we do game night a lot?” 

Kara nodded. “Yeah, every Sunday. Normally you’d come over on Fridays after work and we’d watch a movie and you’d spend the weekend at my place.”

“That sounds fun.” 

“When you get discharged we should keep doing it. You might not remember how to play the games, but I’m fine with teaching you again. And it shouldn’t make much of a difference because Alex and I were undefeated anyways.” 

“You wouldn’t show just a little sympathy, to your poor, weak, injured friend?” Lena asked, batting her eyelashes dramatically. 

Kara shook her head. “Nope, it’s an even playing field for everyone. I can’t give you special treatment just because you almost died, then everyone would get special treatment and we would never get anything done.” 

Lena raised an eyebrow. “How has everyone in your friend group almost died? Are you like a really bad serial killer or something?” She asked with a laugh. 

Kara shook her head and chuckled awkwardly. “No… but I shouldn’t explain it now.” 

She then pointed to another photo, hoping she’d be able to change the subject completely. “This was the same night. We ordered cronuts from this bakery and you’d never had one before so this was you trying one for the first time.” 

“What’s a cronut?” Lena asked. 

“It’s like a mix of croissant and donut,” Kara explained. “I think they’re amazing, you had two bites and couldn’t eat anymore.” 

“That sounds like an abomination,” Lena said, laughing at the picture of her taking a bite of the cronut which was almost as big as her face. 

“Hey, don’t knock it till you try it.” 

Lena smiled and shook her head.

“Oh! There’s a coffee cart over there, do you want to get pastries or something, it’s probably better than the food they’ve been giving you here,” Kara suggested. 

“No offense,” she said, looking up at the nurse who just smiled and nodded in agreement. 

“Sure… but can I stay here? I like watching everyone else,” Lena said. 

“Of course, do you have any requests?” 

Lena shook her head. “Surprise me.” 

“Okay then, I’ll be right back.” 

Lena grinned as she watched Kara jog away. She then glanced back at the fountain. She was sure if she could lean over, she’d see piles of coins sitting at the bottom. Maybe later Kara would give her a penny and she could throw it in too as everyone else did. She’d ask her when she got back. 

Quickly, Lena ended up getting distracted looking over at the tables scattered around the coffee cart. Some were filled with doctors eating their lunches, others with patients enjoying the fresh air with a friend or family member. Lena tilted her head to the side, smiling slightly at the people. But as she did, she noticed some heads quickly turn away, almost as if they’d gotten caught watching her. 

Lena immediately turned her head to the other direction, trying to tell if she was going insane or if she was actually being watched. Right away, she saw even more people not so subtly looking in her direction. One or two even took pictures as they walked by, not even trying to hide what they were doing. 

“Hey, I got you a muffin,” Kara said, smiling as she took a seat back beside Lena and handed her the pastry. 

“Kara, am I going crazy…” Lena began, her voice barely above a whisper. “Or are they watching me?”

Kara hesitated, looking around at the eyes all on Lena. She could hear their whispers, echoing in her ears as they lingered around her, making assumptions and theories about what happened. 

_‘Is that really her?’ ‘I bet the fire was intentional. I think it was supposed to be a suicide, I mean, someone as smart as her wouldn’t mess up that bad, you know?’ ‘I think her brother did it.’ ‘There’s no way that’s_ **_the_ ** _Lena Luthor-- do you think it’s her?’ ‘It was only a matter of time before she lost it, just like everyone else in that family.’_

“I… yes, they are,” Kara said, knowing it was better to just tell the truth than make something up. “Do you want to go back in?” 

Lena nodded. Without even thinking, she instinctively took hold of Kara’s hand and held it tightly. The nurse pushed her chair back towards the direction of the hospital, Lena looking down at the ground and doing the best she could to hide behind Kara’s body. It didn’t make any sense why all those people would be looking at her, why so many would care.

Was there something Kara wasn’t telling her about who she really was?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every Taylor Swift song is a supercorp song I said what I said


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena is taken back into surgery. Alex and Maggie finally come to visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> high key hate this chapter but it's just filler for what's yet to come

Lena held Kara’s phone and zoomed in on the image of her in a suit with her hair pulled back into a tight ponytail, looking directly into the camera. Her chin was tilted slightly towards the ceiling, her confidence radiating through the screen. The woman staring back at her seemed like a completely different person, Lena almost couldn’t believe it was her.

“That’s… wow,” she breathed and zoomed out to see the full L Corp website. It was open to the _about_ page with the words _CEO- Lena Luthor_ typed below her photo. It was right there in front of her, but it all felt like a hazy dream. 

“So that’s why all those people were staring at me.” 

Kara nodded. “Yeah. And some people just have no sense of boundaries.” 

“When you told that story about the time I got sick at work… I don’t know what I’d imagined my job being, but it definitely wasn’t this,” Lena looked back up at Kara and handed her her phone back. “I look… I look terrifying.” 

“Bad, terrifying?” 

“I don’t think so, just like… if I were to meet that version of myself, I’d be very intimidated.” 

Kara nodded. “You could be very intimidating when you wanted to be,” she said with a smile. “But you were still the most kind-hearted, genuine person I’ve ever met. You were only ‘scary Lena’ when you needed to be.” 

“Scary Lena?” 

“Yeah, like…” Kara stood up and set her phone down on Lena’s nightstand. She folded her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow, trying to mimic the CEO stare down stance Lena used to take that was powerful enough to make men shrivel into blubbering balls of fear with just one look. 

“Kara, no offense love, but you look constipated.” 

“Okay, well I can’t do it. But you used to have this look you’d give people when they were being incompetent or getting on your nerves,” Kara explained.

“Did I ever give you the look?” 

Kara tilted her head from side to side. “Maybe once or twice, but it was probably well deserved.” 

“Oh,” Lena said. She had so many questions she was bursting at the seams to ask. And Kara probably would’ve sat with her and answered all of them. But there was so much she knew she didn’t want answers to. Like was she one of those CEO’s that exploited her workers for profit? Did she find loopholes to get around paying them ethical wages so she’d climb higher and higher up the economic ladder while the people who helped her get there struggled on the ground? She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to live with herself if that was the truth. 

“I… I wasn’t terrible, right?” She asked, chewing the skin off her lip as she waited for Kara’s answer. 

“No, of course, not,” Kara said without a moment of hesitation. “You might’ve done things in the past I didn’t agree with, but you always did everything with the intention of helping people, even if you didn’t go about it the right way at first. You’re the furthest thing there is from terrible, Lena.” 

“You’re not lying to spare my feelings, are you?” 

Kara shook her head. “If you were as bad as you think you are, I wouldn’t be here.” 

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need to prep Ms. Luthor for surgery,” said Dr. Gray as he stepped into Lena’s room. 

“Already?” Lena asked, holding one hand over her chest. 

Dr. Gray nodded. “The OR is open and the staff is ready, so you’re all good to go.” 

“Hey, you’ll be fine,” Kara said, picking up on Lena’s sudden anxiousness. “You’re a badass CEO, remember?” 

Lena smiled, managing a small chuckle. She wasn’t sure what it was, but there was something about Kara that always managed to make her feel just a little better.

* * *

“This is it, only medical personal past this point,” said the nurse as he stopped Lena’s gurney in front of a pair of double doors. 

Lena nodded and drew in a breath, trying to remind herself it would all be okay. But she couldn’t help herself but look up at Kara as her eyes filled with fear. She wasn’t sure if she could do it again, be put under anesthesia, and give up all the control she had over herself once more. What if something got infected? What if there was another complication and she got worse instead of better? What if they put her under and she never came back up? 

“Are you ready?” Kara asked with an encouraging smile. 

“Kara, I can’t do it,” Lena said, her voice wavering and uneven. “I can’t do it again.”

“Yes you can, you’re the strongest person I know. You’re gonna be just fine.” 

Lena shook her head. She couldn’t even remember having any sort of strength, it wasn’t just going to come back now that she was afraid. 

But somehow, just as she always did, Kara seemed to know how to help without any hesitation. She took Lena’s hand in her own as she gently brushed the pad of her thumb over Lena’s knuckles. 

“I don’t want to be alone again,” Lena whispered. 

“You won’t be. I’ll be in the waiting room the entire time, I’m not going anywhere,” Kara reassured her. “When you wake up, I’ll be here with you, just like last time. And Alex is coming to see you again and she’s bringing Maggie, and they’re gonna pick up dinner from your favorite restaurant so you’ll actually enjoy your first meal today. It’s all gonna work out, I promise.” 

She gave Lena’s hand a comforting squeeze and Lena managed a small smile.

“And tomorrow, the three of us are gonna have game night like we talked about and we can go through more pictures if you’d like,” Kara continued. “Just think about everything that’s gonna happen once it’s done and it’ll be over before you know it.” 

“Game night and good food?” 

Kara nodded. “Game night and good food,” she repeated. “I’ll see you in a few hours, okay?” 

“Yeah, in a few hours.” 

With that, the nurse wheeled Lena’s bed through the doors, leaving Kara standing in the hall, watching through the small foggy window as Lena was taken to the OR. She folded her arms around herself and let out a sigh. The waiting was the worst part of these things and Lena’s surgery was going to be two hours long. She’d just have to keep herself busy until then. 

* * *

“Hey, Kara, is everything okay?”

Kara got up from where she’d been sitting on one of the waiting room benches and all but ran across the floor to hug her sister. Alex held her tightly, not paying any attention to the people that were starting to stare. 

“I’m fine, Lena just got taken up to the OR,” Kara said as she pulled away. “They’re doing a skin graft for the burns on her chest. If it works she shouldn’t need any more surgeries.” 

“That’s great!” Alex exclaimed. 

“Do you have a timeline on when she’ll get to go home?” Maggie asked. 

“Kind of. If she’d only had the burns, she probably would’ve gotten to go home around today or tomorrow. But everything else with her broken leg and her arm, then the second surgery, it all set her back,” Kara explained. “Best case scenario, she probably still has a week here.” 

She shifted her weight between her heels and stuffed her hands into her pockets. Every minute she wasn’t with Lena, she was working or flying around the city saving people. Lena had been in the hospital for a little over a week now but Kara still hadn’t worked through what was going on out loud. She hadn’t talked about it with Alex, not even over the phone. Processing it made it so real. And Kara was still holding on to that last shrivel of hope that maybe it was all just a bad dream. 

“But even when she does go home, she can’t be left by herself. And I have to work, I- I can’t just stay and take care of her,” Kara began to ramble. “At least here, she isn’t alone and if she needs something, she basically has an army of--” 

“Oh my God, Kara look,” Maggie interrupted, pointing up at the television mounted against the wall. 

The same image Kara had seen before of Lena being loaded into the ambulance was on the screen, a newscaster's voice playing over it. 

_“It’s been almost two weeks since a chemical fire broke out in the basement of L Corp, leaving CEO Lena Luthor in the hospital, in critical condition. Police are continuing to investigate the scene and believe the explosion may have been attempted suicide.”_

Kara’s jaw dropped, her cheeks turning bright red at the assumption. “What-- Lena wouldn’t do that, she was-- no!” 

_“Until today, there have been no official statements released about her condition. However, we spoke with reporters from CatCo magazine, who were able to give us an exclusive look at how she’s doing.”_

Kara’s breath caught in her throat as she brought a hand up to her mouth. Was Snapper really so desperate for a story that he’d give away Lena’s private information to what-- give CatCo more credibility or prestige as a news source? Kara would’ve hoped he had a shred of morality in him that would’ve told him not to.

But just as Kara thought it couldn’t get any worse, the image changed to one of Lena in the courtyard. She was holding Kara’s hand and a nurse stood behind her, pushing her wheelchair towards the hospital. Lena’s eyes were wide, filled with fear and confusion as she looked at whoever had taken the picture. She had no idea what was happening, all she knew was she was being watched like an animal trapped in a zoo.

_“...was on a ventilator but has been making improvement. Now, the remaining question, is what will happen to L Corp while Luthor recovers?”_

“How could he do that?” Kara breathed. “How could he just…” 

“Do what?” Alex asked. 

Kara shook her head and swallowed the lump rising to the top of her throat. “Snapper. He wasn’t supposed to give that away-- no one was supposed to know!”

“Kara, slow down, what did he do?” 

Kara sighed, running an anxious hand through her hair. “When I went back to work I… he just pushed me over the edge, trying to tell me I needed to give them an update on Lena so they could publish it. And I just, I got so mad and I-- I couldn’t stop myself. I ended up saying some stuff about Lena. Not bad things just, things about her how she was doing-- how bad her injuries were.” 

She folded her arms over her chest, biting down on the inside of her mouth. “I always knew I didn’t like him but this… she doesn’t even know who she is and now the whole country is speculating on what’s going on with her-- what’s going on with her company. All because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.” 

“It’s not your fault, he’s just a dick,” Alex assured her.

“I could kill him,” Maggie said bluntly. 

“I know. I can’t believe he would do this!” Kara agreed, swallowing the lump rising to the top of her throat.

“Okay, guys, no one is killing anyone,” Alex said, placing one hand on Maggie’s shoulder and the other on her sisters. “I’m all for healthy revenge and whatever. But if we go into Lena’s room with our heads on fire, she’s gonna freak and the doctors said not to stress her out so we won’t be doing anyone any good. I know this sucks, but it’s out of our control.” 

Kara sighed and nodded. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I just hate that he did that. I mean-- it’s basic human decency.”

“I know, he had no right to do that,” Alex said. 

“Does this place have a gift shop?” Maggie asked. “We should get something for Lena, you know, surprise her when she gets out of surgery. And it might help take your mind off all this.” 

“Yeah, Maggie and I can distract you. We’re great at that.” 

Kara smiled. “I don’t know, I think there’s one on the other side of the building.” 

“Alright,” Alex said. “Let’s go. You’re stuck in here as much as Lena is, you need to breathe. So let’s go look at some rocks or stuffed animals or whatever they sell at these places and think about something else for a minute.” 

Kara nodded. “Okay, I guess that sounds good. And when did you become so level headed with these things?” 

“ _Lots_ of DEO mandated therapy.”

* * *

“Hey, Kara look at this!” Maggie picked up a dark brown teddy bear with a feeding tube in its nose and IV in its paw. 

“Oh Rao,” Kara gasped. “That’s horrific.” 

“What? It’s cute, it’s hurt like Lena,” Maggie said, smiling as she held it up. “It could be like her little recovery buddy.” 

“Lena doesn’t have a feeding tube, though,” Alex pointed out. 

“Okay, maybe this guy has cancer.” 

Kara shook her head. “Yeah, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say Lena doesn’t want a cancer bear. But look at this!” She said and held up a miniature chess kit. “Lena used to have a board in her office and she spent weeks trying to teach me to play. I was awful at it, I made like, no improvement whatsoever. I don’t know how she stayed so patient.” 

Alex smiled and nodded. “That’s really sweet. I bet she’d love it.” 

“More than injury bear?” Maggie asked, holding up the bear with a pout. 

Just as Kara was about to say something else, her phone buzzed in her pocket. She quickly opened it, breathing a sigh of relief at what she saw. 

“Lena’s out of surgery,” she said, holding a hand over her heart as she felt a weight lift off her shoulders. “The doctor said everything went well and we can go see her whenever we’re ready. She won’t wake up for about another hour, but they already took her off the vent and her vitals and blood pressure is good.” 

“That’s great, do you want to see her now?” Alex asked. 

Kara nodded sheepishly. “You guys don’t have to, I just want to be there for her. Even if she isn’t awake.” 

“Of course we’ll be there,” Maggie said. “We’ll wait with you, even if it takes a while.”

The three paid then for their things (which, despite lots of protest from Kara and Alex, included Maggie’s injury bear) and headed back over to Lena’s room. She was still in the ICU but would be moved later, which Kara was thrilled about. All of it was just bringing her one step closer to home. 

She filled Alex and Maggie in on Lena’s progress as they entered Lena’s room. And while they set their gift bags on the table by Lena’s bed, Kara made sure to turn off the overhead lights so they wouldn’t give her a headache when she woke up.

“She looks so small,” Maggie commented, her voice hushed as she looked over Lena, who was lying still and unconscious. “It’s like looking at a different person.” 

Kara nodded. She took a seat at Lena’s bedside and let out a long breath. “Yeah. It’s different when she’s awake, though. I don’t know how to explain it, but she almost acts the same.” 

She smiled to herself, thinking about all the habits Lena still had. All the little mannerisms that gave Kara hope she hadn’t faded completely.

“She still bites her nails,” Kara added with a chuckle, glancing down at Lena’s hands; her nails still short and stubby, just like they’d always been. “And she still loves kale. I think that’s something I would’ve been totally fine with her forgetting.” 

Lena was certainly still in there somewhere, Kara was sure of that. And she’d wait as long as she had to until the Lena she knew came back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't wait until lena goes home lmfao idk if you guys feel the same way but i just want her home


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena finds out she's ready to be discharged, but doubts she'll get to go home when she hears the doctor's terms.   
> Trigger Warning- discussion of suicide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't revise this chapter at all skfuewhrofuhre i might go back and revise it but if it's a mess right now I'm sorry and I know it's bad  
> also more filler i know I hate it too but the next chapter will be good (I hope lol)

“Ms. Luthor, I have good news,” Dr. Gray said as he made his way into Lena’s room holding her chart under his arm. “Your post-op stats look great, you’re no longer at high risk of infection, and since you’re breathing on your own now, you’re ready to be discharged.” 

“Really?” Lena asked, looking up at Kara and grinning from ear to ear. 

Dr. Gray nodded. “You’ll need to continue with IV antibiotics and oxygen therapies, for the antibiotics you’ll need a nurse or doctor to administer but you can take oxygen by yourself from home. And since your post-op follow up appointments have already been scheduled, you should be good to go.” 

“My sister’s kind of a doctor, can she do the IV’s so Lena won’t have to go back and forth?” Kara asked. 

“What do you mean by kind of a doctor?” 

“She went to med school and did a full residency at a hospital and everything. Now she works for this government thing and she treats patients there when it’s necessary,” Kara explained. 

“As long as she still has her license then it should be fine,” Dr. Gray said. “There is just one thing you both need to be aware of, though.” 

“What is it?” Lena asked. After spending three weeks in the hospital and losing her entire sense of self, she was pretty sure nothing her doctors told her could be any worse than anything she’d already gone through. And Dr. Gray had already said she was close to being discharged, so this couldn’t be too bad. Not if she was well enough to be trusted to stay safe out of the hospital. 

“Due to the severity of your injuries and how they’ve limited your range of motion, you obviously won’t be able to get around the house and do things the way you used to for a while. If we’re going to discharge you, you’ll need someone home with you to help out so you don’t end up stunting your recovery.” 

Lena nodded and looked down at her hands. So maybe she wasn’t going to get discharged as soon as she would’ve liked. She could get through it, just another month in the hospital. After everything she’d been through, she could handle it, right? 

“Dr. Gray, can you give us a minute?” Kara asked, picking up on Lena’s sudden shift in demeanor. 

Dr. Gray nodded and stepped into the hall, shutting the door behind him. 

“Kara, please… I know you want to help but just, please don’t try to put a positive spin on this,” Lena said. Kara could hear her swallowing the lump in her throat. She was doing everything she could not to cry. “I can’t go home. It’s fine, it is what it is.” 

“No-- Lena, why wouldn’t you be able to go home?” 

“Because, you heard what he said,” Lena said as she looked back up at Kara. “I can’t take care of myself, so I’m stuck here.” 

“Well, what if you stayed with me?” Kara suggested. “I could get breakfast in the morning then set you up with whatever you need for while I’m at work, then when I get back I’d be able to help you out when you needed it and you wouldn’t be alone at night.” 

“It’s a nice idea, but what if I have to use the bathroom while you’re at work?” Lena asked. “It’s not like I can just get up and walk out of bed, I can’t even push my own wheelchair, and I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’ll be able to take it if they have to put the catheter back in. I can’t do it again.” 

“Well, you could call me, o- or Alex and one of us would come over,” Kara said, trying to think of something, anything that would make it better. 

“Kara, I can’t make you leave work and drive all the way home just because I need to pee.” 

Kara nodded. It was a pretty absurd offer. Only, it would’ve sounded less crazy if Lena knew she could just fly out the window and get back to her apartment in less than a second to help Lena back and make it back to the office before anyone even noticed she was gone. But she just couldn’t tell her yet, she had to wait for the right time.

And the doctors kept saying that if they unloaded too much onto her at once, the stress would make Lena even less likely to remember what they were trying to tell her. The whole superhero from another planet thing was a huge bomb to drop on anyone, let alone someone who had to make a post-it reminder so they wouldn’t forget their middle name. 

“What if I worked from home?” Kara offered. “Then I could still be on top of my articles and I’d be able to help you when you needed it.” 

“Kara, love, I appreciate the gesture, but you can’t just give up everything to be my adult babysitter,” Lena said. “It’s not fair, you deserve to keep your life, even if I don’t get to have mine.” 

“I know, but Lena, as your best friend, I can’t watch you sit in this bed, stuck in your room with no one but your doctors and Maggie’s creepy cancer bear while I’m at work for another month. If I work from home, I will still have my life. Nothing’s going to be put on hold, I’ll still have my friends and my job and everything else. I’ll just be helping you out around the house too.” 

Lena sighed and leaned back against her pillow. She knew she’d be lying if she said she didn’t want to stay with Kara. She wanted more than anything to get out of the hospital and Kara, for reasons Lena still couldn’t understand, cared about her so much. And on top of that, Kara was kind and funny and so easy to be around that if Lena did end up living with her, she was sure she would enjoy the time with her new old friend. 

She just couldn’t put that kind of burden on her. She couldn’t force Kara to take care of her, that would only make Kara grow to hate her. It was a cruel thing to do. And Lena wasn’t about to let herself lose the only real friend she had. 

“Lena, if the roles were reversed, you would do it for me,” Kara said. She didn’t know how to tell Lena that she practically had done it for her before, that she’d saved Kara’s life multiple times when everyone else thought they were out of options. That she’d created kryptonite proof suits so Kara could withstand the only substance on Earth that could kill her. And that the only reason she was in this position in the first place was that Kara hadn’t known Lena was in danger and she hadn’t been able to save her. 

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I’m willing to help. For as long as you may need it.” 

“What if you start to resent me?” Lena asked. “You’re the only one I have. I- I can’t lose you, Kara.” 

Kara shook her head. “I don’t think I could. But if we need a break, Alex can always help out and my mom is a doctor so she could come over. And if you decide it won’t work at all, you can always have one of those live in nurses come and take care of you.” 

Lena nodded, glancing down at her lap. “I’d rather have you than a nurse,” she admitted. “I just don’t want to drive you away.” 

“If that ever starts to happen I’d tell you. Before it got too bad so we’d stay friends and nothing between us would be ruined.” 

“Promise?” Lena asked. 

“I promise,” Kara said, linking her pinky with Lena’s. “So, are you ready to go?” 

Lena nodded once more, this time, a smile crossing her lips. “Yeah, I am.”

* * *

“I think I got everything. You don’t need anything else, right?” Kara asked as she zipped up Lena’s bag full of the pajamas and sweatshirts she’d been wearing the past few weeks. 

“No, I’m pretty sure that’s it. But then again, I’m not really known for my killer memory so,” Lena said and laughed. 

“Okay, well I just got the confirmation text saying that the hospital bed has been set up in your living room, which means everything at home is ready for you,” Kara said. “So once the nurse comes with your wheelchair, we’ll be good to go!” 

“I can’t believe I’m really leaving,” Lena said with a grin. “I can’t wait to see my apartment, is it nice?” 

Kara nodded. “Penthouse,” she corrected. “And it’s very nice. Like-- nicer than HGTV nice.” 

Lena nodded, trying to prepare herself for what she’d see when she went home. Being unable to leave her room, she’d watched so many HGTV series’ that she’d tried to come up with her own fantastical idea of what her apartment might look like when she got to go home. She knew she had money, though she didn’t like to think about it, so she imagined something overlooking the city and a kitchen with a large island. But Kara didn’t have any pictures to show her, so the best she could do was daydreaming about what it might be like to finally go home again.

“Also… before the nurse gets here, I should warn you. It’s been on the news what happened,” Kara said, sitting down on Lena’s bed beside her. 

“I know, you told me already.” 

“No, I- I know, but I didn’t tell you all of it,” Kara explained, drawing in a deep breath. She’d told Lena about what happened with CatCo and apologized profusely for saying anything at all. But there was still so much Lena didn’t know, things Kara knew it would hurt her to hear. 

“Because of who your family is, a lot of people tend to make assumptions about you… and what happened. When we leave, people are probably gonna stare and whisper and I just… I want you to be ready.” 

“What do they think happened?” Lena asked. There was so much she needed to know now, like what did her family do and why did people care so much about her? However, she still didn’t know what caused the accident, nobody did. And maybe if she heard the assumptions she’d be able to formulate her own story until she got some answers. 

But Kara sighed and looked down at her hands. Before she even opened her mouth, Lena knew what she was going to say wouldn’t be something she wanted to integrate into her own narrative. 

“A lot of people… they think you tried to kill yourself.” 

Lena’s breath caught in her throat, the ability to form words seeming to vanish into thin air. 

“Is that what you think?” She asked after a moment, her eyes filling with tears. 

Kara shook her head. “No. I know you’ve dealt with a lot and you’ve gotten really depressed before, but where you were when it happened, you truly were happy. And I can’t speak for you, but I think you were in a place where if you were having suicidal thoughts, especially if they had gotten to the point of considering acting on them, you would’ve reached out.” 

“I hope it wasn’t…” Lena sighed and averted her gaze. It seemed like the more she learned about herself, the more bad information she got. She was a successful CEO with a billion-dollar industry but almost the entire country hated her for things her family did that she wasn’t even aware of. She had an amazing best friend, but no one in her life that didn’t care about her just because they were worried about Kara. And supposedly, she was a genius when it came to science and grew up as a chess prodigy. But somehow she’d caused an accident big enough it destroyed her entire lab and almost cost her her life. And now, she was too afraid to even touch the mini chess board Kara got her because she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to take it if she didn’t know how to play and lost another part of herself. 

“I don’t think it was. But even if it wasn’t...” Kara began, unable to even think about the possibility that Lena might’ve tried to kill herself. “What happened was extremely traumatic. And either way, now that you’re leaving the hospital, it might be good if you could talk to someone who specializes in this kind of trauma, like a therapist who knows exactly how to help.” 

Lena furrowed her brow as she anxiously began to bite at the tips of her nails. 

“I want to help you, and I’ll always talk to you, but regardless of what caused the accident, you need that kind of support, and it’s not something I can give you.” 

“But I… I’m dealing with it,” Lena insisted as her voice broke. “I have my post-it’s and I’m going home-- I’m managing.” 

“I know, and all of that’s really good. But you’re dealing with so much right now and I know you’re trying to keep it bottled up so you won’t bother me-- you used to do the same thing before, and you deserve to be able to talk to someone who can actually help you cope with it.”

“But I-- you said you don’t think I did it on purpose, why would I still have to go?” Lena began to cry as she spoke, no longer able to push it down the way she’d been trying to do for so long. 

“You don’t have to, I can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to. But after everything that’s happened, I really think it would be good if you could talk to someone who knew how to help. Or you can just use them as someone to vent to when you need to get something off your chest but you don’t want your friends to know.” Kara explained. 

Lena pondered the idea as solemnly looked down at her lap, continuing to bite her nails. “Can we just… I just want to go home, I can’t do this now,” she said, unable to bring herself to look Kara in the eye. 

Kara nodded understandingly, offering a small smile as she took Lena’s hand away from her mouth and gave it a squeeze. “Yeah, we can revisit it later.” 

“Thank you.” 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On Lena's second day home, she's met with an unexpected visitor.   
> Trigger Warning- manipulation

By the time Kara and Lena got back to Lena’s apartment, it was almost nine pm. They were met with shocked stares and forthright whispers as Kara pushed Lena’s wheelchair down the block towards her building. Even the doorman was unable to hide his surprise as he watched them go through the lobby and make their way over to the elevator.

But Lena didn’t say a word. She was too full of anticipation to think about anything else. Finally, she was going home. And she wasn’t going to let anyone ruin that for her. 

“So… this is it,” Kara said as she shut the door to her penthouse. “What do you think?” 

“I live here?” Lena asked with a breathy chuckle, unable to believe any of it was real. It was so big, bigger than she could’ve ever imagined. From the living room, even with the hospital bed placed awkwardly in the middle, she had a full view of the kitchen, which had a huge island, just like she’d imagined. 

“Yup. This is all yours.” 

“I know you said I was a CEO and I don’t know, I guess I kind of accepted it, but I never thought…” Lena’s voice trailed off. “I just… I don’t know what I thought my apartment would be, but it wasn’t this.” 

“Look-- you can see the whole city from here,” she exclaimed, getting distracted by the insane view of National City coming from the living rooms floor to ceiling windows. 

“Yeah, you’ve got a balcony there too,” Kara said, wheeling her over to the window so she could look outside. If it hadn’t been raining, she would’ve taken her outside so they could sit at the bench they used to relax on together with a blanket and some snacks to watch the stars at night. 

“And since you can’t come upstairs right now, I can bring all your pajamas down here, oh-- and your favorite books,” Kara said. “You practically have a library up there you used to read so much.” 

Lena smiled and nodded. “Yeah, that would be really nice.” 

“Great, I’ll get you a change of clothes. I also brought a bunch of take out menus from my loft if you want to order dinner, I put stars next to the orders you normally got. And I know all the meds make it hard to eat, but the Thai place has some soups that might be easier on your stomach,” Kara suggested, pulling the menus out of her purse and handing them over to Lena. 

Lena accepted the papers and felt her cheeks turn red with heat at the gesture. It was so simple, but still, Kara had gone out of her way for her. She’d thought of foods that Lena used to love and ones that wouldn’t make her sick. It was just like her to do something like this but still, the kindness meant so much.

“Actually, do you… would you wait and stay for a minute?” Lena asked. “I’m just… we’re home, and I want to take a moment.” 

Kara nodded and smiled.

“Of course, let’s sit down,” she said and pushed Lena over to the couch. Carefully, she snaked one arm beneath Lena’s legs and held the other behind her back. Kara then slowly lifted her up and gently set her down on the couch with a pillow behind her back to keep her propped up. 

Lena grinned as Kara sat beside her took the grey fluffy blanket from off the other side of the sofa and draped it over their laps. She rested her head on Kara’s shoulder, absentmindedly taking one of Kara’s hands in her own and playing with the tips of her fingers the way she used to do with her own. 

“I like this,” Lena said with a calm smile. 

“I like it too,” Kara agreed, draping her arm around Lena’s neck and holding her close. She had to stop herself from pressing a kiss to Lena’s hairline the way she used to. It all just felt so good, so normal. Almost like they were back where they used to be.

* * *

It was early in the morning when Kara realized Lena’s cabinets were practically bare. 

“You’re literally a billionaire, how do you  _ not _ have any food?” Kara asked teasingly. 

“How would I know?” Lena shot back with a laugh as she gestured to her head. 

“Okay, well, I’m going grocery shopping,” Kara decided, taking a seat at the kitchen island and spinning around so she’d face Lena’s bed. “Any requests? And remember you’re supposed to be gaining weight so if I get a bunch of salads I will also be getting potstickers and dumplings.” 

“Yeah, but then what are you gonna get for me?” Lena asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You’re mean, Luthor,” Kara said and shook her head disapprovingly. “Just for that, no chocolate pudding cups.” 

“Alright fine!” Kara exclaimed, giving in when Lena looked up at her with the sweetest sad eyes and pout that she just couldn’t say no to. 

“And if you’re going out can you go to the pharmacy too? I’m almost out of the anti-rejection stuff so can you see if the new prescription is ready?” 

“Of course, I’ll be back soon.” 

Everything after that went as normal as it could’ve. Kara gave Lena a bowl of cereal with almond milk and carried her over to the couch so she could watch tv while she was gone. Lena quickly got distracted and tried to keep her restlessness at bay by playing with her hair or pulling at a loose thread on the pillowcase. And after about thirty minutes of sitting on her own, she heard the doorbell ring.

“I’m coming!” Lena called out, assuming it was Kara and she’d just forgotten her keys.

She threw the blanket covering her lap onto the ground and used her good arm to push herself off the couch. With a huff, she fell onto the edge of her wheelchair, lifted her broken leg onto the elevated footrest, and pushed herself back so she was sitting up normally. 

Using her one arm, she wheeled herself through the living room, occasionally pushing herself off furniture to keep her steered in the right direction until she reached the front door.

“Can I help you?” She asked as she opened it, revealing a tall older woman with her hair pulled back into a slick bun. 

“No, but I’d like to help you,” the woman said with a smile. She seemed strangely familiar, the disconnect in her eyes sending shivers down Lena’s spine. “My name is Lillian.” 

Lillian.  _ Lillian. _ Kara told her about a Lillian- that was her mother’s name, the mother Kara told her shouldn’t know about the accident because she would only use it to manipulate and hurt her. And now that same person was standing in Lena’s doorway as if it were the most natural thing in the world. 

“I’m your mother, dear,” Lillian said when Lena didn’t respond. “I’ve been trying to reach you forever-- nobody ever called me or told me what happened. I was so worried, I spent weeks trying to find you!” 

“You were looking for me?” Lena asked, unable to believe it. That didn’t make any sense at all, not by what Kara had told her. 

Lillian nodded. “I called all the hospitals, but I’m not listed as your emergency contact anymore so they wouldn’t tell me anything. But it’s alright-- I’m just so glad you’re safe and home, that’s all I could’ve hoped for.” 

Lena looked down at her lap and bit down on the inside of her mouth. In the past few weeks, Kara had answered questions about her parents on the few occasions when she asked. However, every time, it was brought up, Lena ended up having to hear about how she’d grown up in an abusive home and had escaped by the seat of her pants. So every time the conversation arose, she got overwhelmed and told Kara she didn’t want to hear any more. 

Now though, Lillian was here. She was standing in the doorway of her penthouse telling Lena how worried she was and how she was so grateful Lena had made it out alive. Lena could hear Kara’s voice in her head, telling her to run away and lock the door before it was too late. But Lillian- her  _ mom _ seemed so kind and warm, she just didn’t know who to believe. 

“Would… would you like to come in?” Lena offered, unable to think of anything else to say and too afraid to be rude to someone who appeared so nice.

Lillian smiled as she nodded. Lena then wheeled back into the apartment so Lillian could come inside. 

“You’re all alone,” Lillian observed. “Isn’t anyone helping you out?” 

“Oh, well my friend Kara moved in with me. We’ve only been here since last night but she’s agreed to help out. And she stayed with me in the hospital, she’s been really great,” Lena said, absentmindedly smiling as she thought about Kara. 

“Kara Danvers?” 

Lena nodded. “Yeah, do you know her?” 

“In a way, yes. I’m sure she’s told you all about me,” Lillian said with a dry chuckle. 

“Yeah,” Lena mumbled, nervously looking down at her hands. 

Lena’s heart skipped a beat when she felt Lillian instantly grab the handles of her wheelchair and push her over to the couch. She should’ve listened to Kara, she shouldn’t have let her in. She spoke so highly of her and still, she couldn’t listen.

But instead of yelling or hitting her as Lena expected, Lillian just sat down beside her and smiled sweetly. “I know she’s your friend, and I’d hate to talk down on her, but you’re so vulnerable right now, I wouldn’t be able to bear it if she took advantage of you.” 

“Wh-- what? Kara wouldn’t, I trust her.” 

Lillian nodded, placing a hand on Lena’s knee. “I know you do. Which is why you should know, Kara has the tendency to over-exaggerate the truth. I wouldn’t go as far as to say she’s a pathological liar but--” 

“ _ What _ ?” 

“It’s not her fault, dear,” Lillian said softly. “That girl has been through so much, she lost her whole family at thirteen and when she was adopted, only a few weeks after, her adoptive father died. I don’t know, maybe it’s how she copes with it, I honestly don’t think she’s even aware of what she’s telling you.” 

“So she’s making it all up?” Lena asked. 

“Not intentionally, you just can’t believe everything she tells her.” 

Lena drew in a breath. Kara was the only one there for her, she always answered Lena’s questions, she always stayed with her when she needed someone by her side. How could she be lying? It felt so real, all the gentle touches and reassuring smiles, all the stories about the fun they used to have together. It couldn’t just be made up, right? 

“But she… no, that can’t be true,” Lena said and shook her head. 

“I know it’s hard to believe. But she has this false narrative about who she is and who you and your family are. Before the accident, she was obsessive, Lena, she was afraid of anyone else getting too close to you so she made you isolate yourself until you even turned your back on your own family. I was barely able to save you from her last time, I won’t let her manipulate you again.” 

“No… Kara-- she wouldn’t do that,” Lena said, practically begging Lillian to tell her it was all some sort of cruel joke. 

“I’m your mom,” Lillian said, taking Lena’s hand in her own. “Has she really convinced you not to trust your own mother?” 

“I… she said…”

“Well, I guess it’s up to me to tell you the truth then, isn’t it?”

* * *

Kara locked the penthouse door, mindlessly humming to herself as she turned around and made her way into the kitchen. She dropped the grocery bags on the island and the brown paper bag with Lena’s meds on the counter by the sink. 

“They were out of chocolate pudding, so I got vanilla instead. But I can check the Deli if you really--”

Kara felt her heart fall through her stomach when she turned around and saw Lena’s bed empty. She made her way into the living room, holding her hand over her chest as she reminded herself she had to stay calm. 

Lena’s wheelchair sat discarded by the couch, her blanket on the floor, and her pillows only slightly dented, which meant she hadn’t been sitting in a while. She could hear Lena’s heart beating slowly but steadily. Before she could even be sure if the sound was real or just in her head though, Kara raced up the stairs, determined to find her as she burst into Lena’s bedroom. And all intentions to remain calm flew right out the window when she saw Lena. 

She laid still on her bed, an empty mug on her nightstand with a tea bag hanging out of it. Through the darkness, Kara could see how pale her skin was, all ghostly white except for the dark bruise-like bags that sat beneath her eyes; marks ones that hadn’t been there when Kara had last seen her. 

“No, Lena,” Kara gasped, falling onto the bed beside her. “Lena, come on, wake up.” 

Kara shook her shoulders, holding her breath as she begged her to wake up. She could hear her breathing but that wasn’t enough. Lena’s skin was warm against her fingers, somehow she’d spiked a fever in the short time Kara had been gone. Kara needed to know she was okay, she needed to know what happened. 

And eventually, after a minute or two, Lena’s eyelids began to flutter open as she let out a strained cough. 

“Oh thank Rao,” Kara said, breathing a sigh of relief. She cupped Lena’s head in her hands, holding her up and brushing her hair out of her face, praying that the worst was over.

Lena’s eyes opened fully and she looked around the room. Her pupils were dilated and her eyes pink. She paused for a second when she realized Kara was the one sitting above her. 

“You’re burning up,” Kara said. “Do you feel alright?” 

“Where is she?” Lena asked, unable to process anything coming out of Kara’s mouth. “Where’d she go?” 

“Where’s who?” Kara asked, a nervous crinkle appearing between her eyes. “I’m the only one that’s been here, Lena.” 

“No, my mom,” Lena said, her voice still raspy and raw. “She was here.” 

Kara shook her head. That couldn’t be possible, Lillian never came to Lena unless she wanted something. And now with no memories and requiring assistance for almost everything she did, in her eyes, Lena would’ve been utterly useless. 

“Like in a dream? Did you remember her?” 

“No, she was here. She came while you were out, she said--” Lena stopped herself, remembering every lie and accusation Lillian had uttered about Kara. 

“What is it?” 

“Can you call her? A- and ask if she’ll come back?” 

“Lena, what are you talking about?” 

“Were you lying?” Lena asked. The words weren’t harsh, she wasn’t accusing Kara of anything. She just seemed confused. Confused and lost with no idea of who she could or couldn’t trust anymore.

Kara was the only constant in her life. She was the only one there for her day after day, not because she had to be, but because she wanted to be. Sure, Alex and Maggie came to visit but Kara was the only one she always knew she could count on, no matter what. After all, she’d been there from day one.

But then there was Lillian. Lillian, who was her mother, and in spite of everything Kara said, seemed nice. She was intimidating and Lena found somewhat controlling but still, she was her mother. And more than anything, she was nothing like Kara said she was. 

It was all just so confusing. More than anything, Lena wanted to believe Kara was being honest with her, but really she had no way of knowing. Kara was her person. Her only person. And if it was all a lie, Lena would never know. 

“When you said all those things about her and about everyone, were you lying?” She asked once more. 

“No, I- I wouldn’t lie to you,” Kara said. “There’s a lot I haven’t told you and if you want to know now, I- I’ll tell you, but I promise, it’s all true.” 

Lena shook her head. “No, I don’t want to know.”

“What did Lillian tell you? And what did she do to you, you’re running a fever.” 

“She just gave me tea, I’m fine.”

Kara sighed, bringing her hand up so she could feel Lena’s forehead. Lillian had tried to poison Lena before. Just because Lena was up and talking didn’t mean it was below her to do it again.

“Let me call Alex and she can check you out. I don’t know what Lillian gave you but you were fine an hour ago, you shouldn’t be sick.” 

“I’m not sick,” Lena insisted just as she began to cough once more. “I- I’m fine.” 

“Just let me help, Lena,” Kara said softly. “You don’t have to tell me what happened or what she said, but  _ please, _ if you’re sick, if something’s wrong you need to get looked at.”

Lena bit down on the inside of her mouth. Kara cared, Kara always cared. She was there and she did everything she could for Lena. And Lena trusted her. She knew she liked her, she knew she was her friend and that if she needed to, she could talk to her.

It had to be real. Lena wasn’t sure what she’d do if it wasn’t. 

“If she said something about me-- honestly, I can’t promise it wasn’t true but I can say that I am your friend, I do care. And one glass of tea shouldn’t give you a fever so regardless of how you’re feeling about me... I’d be hurting you even more if I didn’t get you to a doctor.”

“I’m sorry,” Lena whispered. “I’m sorry, she just, she seemed so nice and I- I don’t know if she was telling the truth or not, but I- I’m sorry.” 

“Lillian is a master manipulator. Whatever she said, I’m sure she made it very believable.” 

“I don’t know who I can trust, there’s no way but, Kara, please, I want it to be you. You aren’t lying to me, right?” Lena asked, her voice breaking. 

Kara took Lena’s hand in her own, giving it a gentle squeeze. 

“I swear, I’m not lying to you,” she said. “But I can’t make you trust me. I hope you do, but that’s something you have to decide on your own.” 

Lena nodded and swallowed the lump in her throat. “I know. And I want it to be you.” 

Maybe Kara wasn’t perfect, but she’d been the one who stayed. After only half an hour, Lillian had left Lena alone. Kara spent weeks by her side, no matter what was thrown at them. So Lena could take it when Kara messed up. Because with her, Lena was almost certain, she’d still be there the next morning, ready to make it all better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm torn between loving and hating this chapter so I hope you guys like it and it wasn't too much of a mess!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex figures out what Lillian did to Lena. Lena has her first memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long!! I've been super distracted with my other fic. (high key I love that fic so like if you wanna read it, it's called let's go back to the start)
> 
> also, I wasn't sure if this chapter needed a tw or not so I didn't add one but if you think I should please lmk in the comments and I'll fix it

Kara let out a shaky breath and closed her eyes, running her fingers through Lena’s long hair to remind herself she was still there. She was alive and Alex was going to find out what was wrong. And maybe then things might finally start to get better.

Releasing a sigh, Kara opened her eyes again, looking down at Lena, who was fast asleep in her arms. Her skin was still so pale, her cheeks flushed red and feverish. To Kara, it felt like going back to that first day when she’d been praying with everything she had in her that Lena would wake up. This time around though, she knew Lena was going to wake up. She knew she could nudge her so she’d regain consciousness then Kara could apologize until she was blue in the face.

It was almost worse this way. Because now, Lena didn’t have anything to numb the pain. It was all sitting on the surface, eating away at her as Kara did nothing but watch. The situation might’ve been different, but they were still just as powerless. 

“I’m sorry,” Kara whispered, letting a tear fall as she rested her cheek against the top of Lena’s head, inhaling the scent of hospital provided shampoo. “I should’ve been there.” 

“Hey, Lena’s tests came back,” Alex said, her voice low so she wouldn’t wake Lena as she entered the room. 

“Oh, okay,” Kara said, quickly blinking back her tears and swallowing the lump in her throat, trying to put on a brave face so Lena would have someone to lean on when they found out what Lillian did to her. 

“Lena, hey, you have to wake up now,” she said as she gently tapped Lena on the shoulder a few times. 

“Hm?” Lena mumbled, rubbing her eyes and letting out a yawn. 

“Your labs are back,” Kara explained. 

“We’re not home,” Lena observed sadly as she looked around at the section of the DEO’s med bay they’d been placed in. She brought her hand up to her nose, letting her head fall back onto Kara’s shoulder when she felt the tubes in her nose feeding her oxygen. She and Kara sat toward the back of the room on an exam table covered in a sheet of paper. Alex stood a few feet away, a solemn look on her face.

“No, we’re at the DEO, this is where Alex works,” Kara clarified. 

Lena nodded, too tired to ask any more questions. 

“So, Lena, the tea Lillian gave you was spiked with benzodiazepine,” Alex began. “Since it slows down your body's functions, normally it’s used to treat insomnia and certain types of anxiety. But due to the dose Lillian gave you, you’ve been having trouble breathing and your immune system's reaction to fighting off infections has been delayed.”

“And that’s why she has a fever?” Kara asked. 

Alex shook her head. “Yes and no. Right now you’re on so many prescriptions that one of them must’ve triggered an immediate reaction. And as I said, your immune system’s been delayed, so your body isn’t able to fight off the infection the way it normally would,” she explained. 

“But she’ll be okay, right?” 

Alex nodded. “Since Lena’s not a seizure risk, I’m gonna administer a dose of flumazenil which will just reverse the slowness caused by the benzos. It won’t fix the fever but once Lena is given the new drug, she should be able to fight it off the way she would with a cold or flu. So lots of fluids, rest, foods that won’t upset her stomach, and she should be fine in a day or two.” 

“That’s good, right?” Kara said. But Lena didn’t respond. She was staring straight ahead of her, her eyes glossed over as she took, low shallow breaths. And when she did speak again, the words nearly shattered Kara’s heart.

“Did she try to kill me?” Lena asked, her voice barely above a timid whisper. 

Kara bit down on the inside of her mouth, unable to formulate a response. What could she even say to that? Even if Lillian hadn’t tried to kill her, she’d still drugged her. And if Kara hadn’t gotten home in time, it all could’ve ended very differently. 

After a moment, Alex drew in a deep breath and formulated an answer for her sister.“I don’t think so. The dosage she gave you was just enough to put you in pain and make you suffer for a few days, not enough to kill you.” 

Lena nodded without saying a word. She wasn’t sure if she should be relieved someone hadn’t just tried to end her life or completely break down because she’d been so stupid and brought the whole mess onto herself by choosing not to listen to Kara when she let Lillian into the apartment. 

“But you don’t have to worry,” Alex said, taking a seat on the bed beside them. “You’ll be able to recover at home and all I’m gonna do is give you an injection then you’ll be done.” 

“That’s it?” Lena asked, instinctively clinging to Kara’s hand.

“Yeah. Kara’s gonna watch you and make sure nothing changes, but if anything does, she’ll call me and I’ll treat whatever symptoms you’re having.”

“It’ll be okay? I’m not gonna drop dead or anything?” She asked, looking up at Kara with a nervous laugh. 

Kara nodded, pressing a kiss to her hairline. “You’re gonna be okay.”

* * *

Lena wrapped her arms around Kara’s neck, leaning her head against her chest as Kara lifted her out of her wheelchair and laid her down onto her bed. She’d fallen asleep in the car ride back from the DEO, only woken when Kara turned off the radio and she began to hear the rush of city murmurs again. Now, back home again, Lena could hardly keep her eyes open. 

“You’re so warm,” Kara commented as she held her hand against Lena’s forehead. “Do you feel okay? I think your temperature’s rising.” 

“I’m fine, just chilly,” Lena said, hugging herself tightly. Kara glanced down at her arms, which were covered in goosebumps and covered her quickly with the blanket. “I’ll go get the comforter from your room, it’s much nicer than this one.” 

“But what are you gonna sleep with?” 

Kara shrugged. “I dunno, you probably have guest sheets and stuff somewhere. I’ll be right back.” 

“Alright,” Lena said and shut her eyes as she let out a stifled yawn.

By the time she opened them once more, Kara was back with a fluffy white blanket. She’d gotten to and from Lena’s bedroom with inhuman speed, but Lena didn’t question it. With everything going on, Kara could probably tell her she was an alien and it wouldn’t even phase her at this point. 

“Here, you should try to get some rest,” Kara said as she covered Lena with the comforter. 

Lena nodded, pulling the blanket up to her chest. 

“Can you stay?” The words just seemed to slip right out. Lena was so used to having Kara there it just felt natural to ask. 

“Yeah, of course,” Kara said. This time though, she hesitated, standing nervously by Lena’s bedside instead of moving any closer.

“You’re sure?” Lena asked and suppressed a yawn. “I don’t want to get you sick.” 

“Oh, you won’t,” Kara said with a reassuring smile.

She bit her lip and took Lena’s hand in her own, squeezing it gently. The least she could do was be there for her, regardless of if it meant muddling through all her guilt. Kara had to. She didn’t know how else to deal with it.

So she climbed into bed with Lena and let her instinctively curl up against her. Kara brushed Lena’s hair out of her face as Lena coughed a few times before she let out a strained breath, eventually falling asleep with her head rested on Kara’s chest.

* * *

“Kara, Kara wake up.” 

Kara murmured and rubbed her eyes as she sat up, trying to brush away the exhaustion that seemingly hit her out of nowhere. “What is it?” 

“My office,” Lena said, using all the energy she had to shake off her exhaustion so she wouldn’t suddenly forget. “You came to interview me about something-- I don’t know what, but you were there and you were so nervous and you had a- a grey sweater and your hair was in a ponytail and you said it was your first real assignment.” 

“What? Lena, you remember that?” Kara exclaimed, unable to believe the words coming out of her mouth. 

Lena nodded, her eyes filling with tears as she smiled from ear to ear. “And we sat down on the couch, you had this… a magazine, I think. Yes! You wrote about me for a magazine and I thought you were gonna tear me apart but everything you said, it was just the opposite.”

“You thought because you were a Luthor I’d be biased and say something terrible,” Kara said with a sad smile. “But you were so brilliant, everything I said about you was true.” 

“So that was real?” Lena asked. “All that happened? I wasn’t just dreaming?” 

Kara nodded. “That was real. It was one of the first times we met.”

“What happened after that?” Lena asked excitedly, leaning her head against Kara’s shoulder. 

“Well, I interviewed you again. And I was still really nervous just because you were so impressive-- and very intimidating, I don’t think that ever went away,” Kara said, chuckling at the memory. “But you didn’t really trust me because I was a journalist and normally reporters don’t portray you accurately. When you saw the article-- I’ll go out on a limb and say you liked it because the next day, my office was overflowing with flowers.” 

Lena bit her lip as she smiled. “You must be very talented.” 

Kara laughed as her cheeks turned bright pink. “You’ve always thought so but I don’t know.”

“Well, I’d like to think I’m a pretty good judge of character,” Lena said confidently. “Anyways, what happened after the flowers?”

Kara opened her mouth to say something but stopped herself, realizing at this point in the timeline, Lena had had her disaster of a renaming ceremony for L Corp where Supergirl had saved her life for the first time. Kara had been waiting so long for the right moment to say something but always found excuses as to why she should keep it to herself for maybe just a little while longer. Maybe this was it. 

“And there was… something else. I can tell you now, but it-- it’s a lot to unpack.” 

“I can handle it,” Lena said. 

Kara nodded, unsure of why she would’ve expected any other response from Lena.

“Well, uh… this is gonna sound really weird, but around that time, you also knew me as someone else.” 

“What, were you leading a double life or something?” Lena joked. But when Kara didn’t respond, her face fell and Kara could practically see the walls shooting up around her as she pulled away and protectively wrapped her arms around herself. 

“It’s not like what you’re thinking,” she began. “But I… I did lie to you and I am still so sorry about it. I thought I was protecting you but you… you didn’t need me to protect you, you needed me to be honest.” 

“So my mother was right?” Lena asked, her broken voice low and hoarse. 

Kara shook her head. “No. I’ve always cared about you and I’ve always been your friend, none of that was fake. But I-- this is gonna sound ridiculous…”

“Please just say it, Kara.”

“I’m Supergirl.” 

“Supergirl?” Lena raised an eyebrow. “Kara, just because my memories or gone-- it doesn’t mean I’m stupid.” 

“I know how it sounds but I-- if I can just show you it’ll make more sense,” Kara said. She had no idea how she was gonna explain the whole thing but maybe if Lena trusted her enough she wouldn’t have to. 

“Show me?” 

“Yeah.”

It took a minute, but soon enough, Lena sighed and reluctantly agreed. 

“Okay, just tell me to stop if you get freaked out,” Kara said. Lena nodded and Kara stood up. She carefully lifted Lena from her bed and carried her through the apartment, over to the balcony. Lena was about to complain about being cold again but Kara was like some sort of furnace that the discomfort went away almost immediately. 

As they stepped outside though, Lena’s teeth began to chatter and Kara already started to regret her plan of showing instead of telling. 

“I’m fine, just do the thing,” Lena said when she noticed her looking. 

“Let me get you a blanket first,” Kara said as she set Lena down on the bench. 

“No, Kara, really I--” 

But before Lena could get another word out, Kara was gone and back, this time with Lena’s comforter. 

“God, I think the drugs are making me hallucinate,” Lena muttered as Kara draped it over her lap. 

“They’re not,” Kara said with a nervous smile. “I know it’s weird but it… it’s all real.” 

“Kara, come on, there’s no way you just--” Lena stopped herself, furrowing her brow in confusion at Kara’s expression. “What? You-- really?”

Kara nodded. “Yeah… there’s more but I don’t know, it’s probably not the best idea to do it like this.” 

“There’s _more_?”

Kara nodded. “A lot more.” 

“Oh.” 

Kara sat down beside Lena, sensing her apprehension. “I know it’s a lot to take in. And I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you any sooner. I was just so worried if I stressed you out too much it might somehow affect whether you got your memories back or not.” 

“I understand,” Lena said. And she really did. Kara didn’t seem like the type of person that was setting out to hurt her and she could assume if the roles were reversed she’d probably be walking on eggshells around Kara. Even if it was annoying everyone seemed to think she might just break at any given moment, given her track record the past few weeks, Lena could see why they’d think that. 

“But right now it feels like my life is just one big secret. And that’s not your fault, it’s because I know next to nothing about myself or-- or you or anyone,” she continued. “So the big things… things like you being a _superhero_ , please just tell me. I don’t care if it stresses me out-- my mother just spiked my drink and I could’ve died, I’m sure there’s nothing you can tell me that’ll be worse.” 

Kara bit her lip without saying a word. Now probably wasn’t the time to tell Lena getting drugged by Lillian barely scratched the surface of her memories. 

“I’m in the dark about everything, so please, if there’s anything else, I want to know.” 

Kara nodded. It wouldn’t be fair to say no, they were Lena’s memories, she deserved the truth. So Kara would start with something not as big, something Lena would hopefully see as a good thing. Something she’d been bursting to tell her for weeks now. And maybe, hopefully, even though things had changed, Lena wouldn’t be upset about it.

“There is actually one thing I’ve been wanting to tell you.”

“What is it?” 

“Well…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> skdfkerfjhek don't hate me i never do cliff hangers i know I'm bad at it


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "i've always kind of thought you were hot. respectfully."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning- this chapter deals with Lena's trauma from the accident and what Lillian did to her. Warning for self harm scars, flashbacks, and panic attacks. if there's anything else lmk and I'll add it

“Have you seen me naked before? We were dating, so you probably did, right?” 

“A few times, why?” 

“Just wondering…” Lena said with a slight smile, unsure of what to do with that information. 

Mostly, she’d asked because the past few weeks, she’d avoided catching any glimpse of what her body looked like beneath the layers of blankets and pajamas. All she ever saw were more scrapes and bruises just when she’d thought there couldn’t be any more left to find. But now she knew she and Kara had been together. Not just as a fling, but for six whole months before the accident. And Lena really wasn’t sure what to do with the information that Kara had seen her body in its entirety while Lena hardly knew what it looked like.

All she knew for sure was now, Kara was helping to undress her. Her soft hands brushing against Lena’s stomach as she helped remove her t-shirt while Lena did her best to keep her mind from wandering to the things they used to do before everything happened. 

“You’re really hot Lena,” Kara commented as she finished helping her out of her shirt.

Lena bit her lip and averted her gaze, covering her bare chest with her arm and looking down at the ground.

“No-- not-- well yes, that way but I-- your fever,” Kara said, quickly backtracking once she realized what she’d said. “Your fever is still high so-- so hopefully the-- you know, the bath, it’ll help.”

“So you don’t think I’m hot?” Lena teased. 

“Well, I-- I’ve always kind of thought you were. Respectfully.” 

“Of course,” Lena said with a smile. “I’ve always thought you were too. Respectfully.” 

Kara couldn’t seem to form words after that. It was as if she were falling all over again. They’d been together for half a year, but still, Lena had her under the same mesmerizing trance. And even though Kara knew Lena may never feel the same way again, Kara was almost certain the things she felt for Lena were never going to go away. 

“Uh… let me get these now,” she said, trying to think of anything else as she held one arm under Lena’s shoulder so she could lift her hips and carefully remove her pajama pants and underwear. 

“Let me know if I’m hurting you, okay?” Kara said then she helped Lena back into the chair. 

“You’re fine,” Lena replied, taking a minute to see what she looked like without any tubes or wires for the first time while Kara went to grab two plastic bags to cover up her casts. Normally, Lena was always too afraid to look. But now that she knew someone else had seen her, she felt like she had to know too. So she started by carefully examining her thighs, biting down on her lip at what she saw, the first thing to catch her attention being semi faded scars. She traced over them with her index finger, the clean pink uniformed rows easy to spot against her pale skin.

“I don’t know if this will work, but I don’t really have any better ideas,” Kara said with a laugh, bringing Lena back into reality as she slipped a garbage bag over the cast on Lena’s right leg. 

Lena nodded, looking back down at the marks without saying a word. She didn’t have to ask to know she’d done them to herself. And now, she was sitting completely naked and exposed to Kara, who would get to see everything all over again before she could fully understand it herself. 

“I guess this isn’t terrible,” Kara thought aloud, tying off a plastic deli bag over the second cast on Lena’s arm. “I think I might have a knack for this.” 

Lena chuckled and nodded once more, trying to get out of her head. “You are very talented.” 

“Thank you, I appreciate it.”

Cautiously, Kara lifted her up and set Lena down in the tub, keeping her right leg elevated on the ridge by the wall. 

She smiled at Lena and handed her the bar of soap, making sure not to accidentally glance down at the rest of her body. 

“I uh… I’ll be in the hall if you need me, just yell when you’re finished and I’ll come get you out.” 

Lena smiled. “Thanks, Kara.” 

With that, Kara grinned back at her and got up to leave. Once in the hall, she shut the door behind her and released a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in. She put her head in her hands and slid down against the wall, letting the effects of their day hit her full force. She could still feel Lena’s hand in hers, the lingering weight still pressed against her from when they were at the DEO, hoping when Alex updated them she wouldn’t tell them Lena’s lie was in danger.

Kara closed her eyes, picturing the early morning before it all started. She’d been making fun of how bare Lena’s cabinets were and Lena was laughing with her, making jokes about her condition instead of wallowing in everything she’d lost. Just a few hours ago, she’d been doing so well, she was so happy, so full of life. Then before Kara knew it, they were back in Lena’s bedroom and Lena was staring at Kara with the same look in her eyes as when she’d first woken up and didn’t know who or where she was. It all happened so fast. One minute they were happy and the next it was like the rug had been pulled out from under them all over again. 

“Kara?”

Kara quickly wiped her eyes at the sound of Lena’s quiet call. She brushed herself off and got up, unsure of how much time had passed since she’d left. 

“Hey, are you done?” She asked as she stepped back into the bathroom. 

Lena shook her head. “No, I… I can’t open the shampoo bottle o- or wash my hair,” she admitted, her cheeks turning red with embarrassment. 

“Oh, it’s okay, I can do it if you’d like.” 

“You’re okay with it?” 

Kara nodded. “Of course.” 

“So, is the bath helping, do you feel any better?” She asked as she popped open the shampoo bottle. 

“Not really. Everything still hurts. And I--” Lena stopped, covering her mouth and letting out a yawn. “I’m really tired.” 

“After this, you should get to bed,” Kara said. She lifted Lena’s head with one hand and began to massage the shampoo into her scalp with the other. “It’s been an… _interesting_ day.” 

“Yeah,” Lena said quietly. “If it’s okay, would you stay with me tonight?”

She looked up at Kara and bit her lip, unable to hide the fear in her watery eyes. 

“I just… if Lillian comes back and I’m alone…”

“I’ll stay,” Kara said, offering a reassuring smile. “I won’t let her or anyone else hurt you.” 

“Promise?” Lena asked with a sad chuckle. 

Kara nodded. “I promise, I’ll always protect you, Lena.”

* * *

_One steady step back. Just one small movement so Lena could adjust her goggles. And as her heel touched the ground, her eyes shut and she was blown backward, hitting her head against the wall. She put her arm out behind her to break her fall, the reflex too instant to control. It all happened so fast she almost didn’t notice when the weight of her body collapsing onto her hand caused her wrist to snap and elbow to bend in out of place._

_Lena gasped for air as she opened her eyes, her vision clouded by black smoke and flames she could barely see through. A scream left her mouth as something toppled on top of her, the table she’d been working off crushing her leg._

_She tried to propel herself forward, to crawl away, but the flames were getting closer and she couldn’t seem to move at all. Her head was throbbing as it fell back against the cement floor, her vision clouded with black spots as she coughed, the smoke seeping through her throat and into her lungs. She tried to scream again but all that came out were more coughs._

_Lena watched as the bright light coming from the ceiling turned dark, the black dots taking over and blinding her completely. She could no longer hear her coughs, all she knew for sure was there was a ringing in her ear and unbearable pain covering every inch of her body. She couldn’t cry for help, she couldn’t get herself up and run before it was too late. She was stuck with no one to help. She could feel herself begin to accept the inevitable as the flames reached her body._

_It was over. Just one second and it was all over._

* * *

Kara yawned and rubbed her eyes as she sat up. Some many hours ago, she’d fallen asleep to the sound of Lena’s heartbeat and now, it was the sound of it fiercely pounding against her chest that was waking Kara up again.

“Hey, hey, Lena, wake up,” Kara said, her exhaustion quickly dissolving as she gently shook Lena’s shoulders while Lena struggled and fought against herself. “Lena, you’re having a nightmare. You’re okay, you just have to wake up, I’m right here, you’re okay.”

Lena’s eyes shot open and she brought a hand up to her chest as she gasped for air, her eyes filling with tears.

“I can’t breath,” she cried softly, her voice low and shaky. “I- I can’t…”

Kara immediately took the oxygen mask hanging from the pole holding up Lena’s monitors by her bed and held it out for her. But Lena, jerked her head back when Kara tried to put it on. She already felt like the walls were closing in on her, if Kara put the mask on she feared she might actually suffocate.

“Okay, do we need to go to the hospital?” Kara asked, trying to remain calm as she put the mask away. If she panicked, Lena wasn’t going to get any better. She had to stay level, at least until she knew Lena was alright. 

Lena shook her head once more. “I- I can’t go I can’t-- I can’t move.” 

“Can you tell me what happened?” Kara asked. “If you need to get to the ER we can call an ambulance, you don’t have to move.” 

“No, I can’t. I was just…” Her tears began to spill as Lena desperately fought to find the right words. She’d been trying to fall asleep but there was something in her head she just couldn’t shake. She knew it was bad but she told herself it would go away eventually. Her heart had been pounding and every so often she’d struggle to breathe. But it would pass, it had to. Because even though she knew she wasn’t fine, she knew it wasn’t bad enough to wake Kara. She also knew if she did say anything she’d end up back in the hospital and she couldn’t do that. Not again, not when she’d just gotten to go home. 

“I thought I was okay but I-- my head was hurting and my heart started beating really fast then I-- I don’t know what happened but I can’t breathe.” Lena looked up at Kara, wrapping her fingers tightly around the fabric of her shirt and begging her to help without saying a word. “What’s happening to me?” 

“Lena, you’re having a panic attack,” Kara said softly. “You used to have them before, normally something would be triggering and that’s what would cause it. Did something happen while I was asleep?” 

“I don’t know, I was trying to stay awake but I couldn’t and I-- I starting seeing it.”

“Seeing what?” 

Lena shook her head and a sob escaped her lips. “The accident. I was still here but I-- I was there too. I was just lying there o- on the ground all alone and nobody came to help.” 

She gripped the fabric as hard as she could as she struggled to catch her breath. But no matter what she did, the air was just out of reach. It was as if she wasn’t even there. As if she were watching and struggling but still removed from reality. And while it didn’t feel real, it was still so terrifying. 

“You remembered the accident?” Kara asked, unable to believe it. 

Lena nodded. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” 

“What? No, Lena, don’t be sorry,” Kara said. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

Lena brought her hand up to her mouth, still gripping her shirt with all the strength she had in her. “I-- I feel like I’m gonna pass out,” she whispered. 

“I’m gonna get you some water, okay?” 

“I’m so sorry, Kara,” Lena said as Kara made her way into the kitchen. 

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Kara said, pouring Lena a glass of water and walking back over to her bed. 

“But I- I’m letting you down,” Lena insisted. She reached out to take the glass but her hand was shaking violently. “I can’t take care of myself, I can’t-- I can’t remember anything. A- and now I’m having a panic attack and you have to deal with that too.” 

She could feel the ground swaying beneath her, the room starting to move and topple as her heart rate continued to increase. Her body was stiff as her hands shook, her muscles tensing and sending shooting pain through her broken arm and leg. It was as if she was still trapped in that room, waiting for it to all be over. Only with that, she was rescued, she made it out alive. But this, she worried, may never end.

Kara shook her head. “I’m here because I want to be. I want to be with you and help you because you deserve to have someone with you when this happens.” 

“But what if it never stops?” 

“It will,” Kara reassured her. “We’ve been through this before, we’ll get through it again. Right now, you need to drink something and then we’ll work on your breathing, okay?” 

Lena nodded. “Okay.” 

Kara handed her the water and Lena took a few small sips before giving it back to her. 

“And I know you don’t want to, but you should put the mask on,” Kara said. “Just until you stop feeling like you’re gonna pass out, then I’ll take it off.” 

Lena sniffed and wiped her eyes, managing a quiet _okay_ before Kara slipped the mask over her nose and mouth. 

“Now, try to breathe from your stomach. You’re breathing from your chest, that’s what’s making you hyperventilate.” 

Lena did as she was told and drew in a shaky breath. Slowly, she took her trembling hand away from her chest and set it next to Kara’s. And without saying a word, Kara picked up on her cues and took Lena’s hand in her own, holding it tightly with hopes the pressure would help her calm down. 

“Now I’m gonna count and you’ll breathe with me,” Kara said, and Lena nodded once more. “Okay, in for one… two… three… four and out, one… two… three... four.”

Eventually, after a few minutes, Lena’s breathing began to even out, and as promised, Kara took the mask back off. 

“How do you feel?” She asked as she hung it back on the IV pole. 

“A little better,” Lena said. “I don’t think I’m gonna pass out but the… the feeling of whatever it was… it’s still there.” 

Kara nodded. “Yeah, it’ll take some time to go away. So if you need anything, just tell me.” 

“You’re not gonna leave, right?” Lena asked. “It’s okay if you do, I just… I don’t know.” 

“I’m not gonna leave,” Kara reassured her. She pushed down the safety railing on Lena’s bed and carefully climbed back up beside her.

“Trust me, I know how scary panic attacks are to go through alone. We’re gonna wait it out together, okay?”

Lena nodded, sniffling as she curled up against Kara. Her heart was still pounding, but slowly, she began to allow her muscles to relax. She bit her lip, trying to box up the flashes of fire and echos of screams that still lingered in her mind and focus on what was in front of her. The soft feeling of Kara’s fingers soothingly stroking her hair, the messy dishes in the kitchen sink that meant she was alive and home, and the buzz of the city below. She wasn’t trapped, even if it felt like she was. She was home, and no one could ever take that from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo lena knows!!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i set out with the intention to write fluff but here we are  
> kara and lena have their first "fight"

Kara had to go out. There were meetings and conferences she couldn’t attend from home that were too important to miss, even if she would’ve rather stayed home. The thought of leaving Lena for a few hours wasn’t a pleasant one, especially after what happened last time, she knew there was no way for Lena to tell whether or not someone was dangerous. Hell, Kara was even starting to worry that the _mailman_ might try to kidnap her at this point. But Lena said she was fine to be left home for a few hours so Kara didn’t argue. She assumed Lena could probably use some time alone, or at least Kara knew _she_ did. And getting out of the house was a nice change of pace, even if it was just to go back to CatCo for a few hours. 

Once Kara was gone, Lena had to admit, the space was rather refreshing. She loved spending time with Kara, but the way she waited on her hand and foot, taking care of her as if she were a child, it became too much to bear at times. So when the door shut and Lena got to be alone, she couldn’t help but feel a tad bit more relaxed. 

At first, she spent a while going through emails on her laptop and reading through her old work files. Lena told herself she wouldn’t be allowed to respond to anything-- the old Lena had cared so much about her work, she wasn’t about to let herself ruin it. And besides, reading with no pressure was oddly comforting.

Initially, reading the messages had made Lena’s skin crawl with disgust and rage. It was obvious how much she had been in the middle of when the accident happened. She’d been leading projects, jumpstarting campaigns, running multiple companies. Looking at herself now, Lena couldn’t seem to imagine how she’d ever done it. In every email she read, the people writing her seemed to respect her so much they almost feared her. 

It was almost impossible for Lena to picture anyone being intimidated by her. Kara had to carry her to bed every night and leave the hall light on so she wouldn’t be afraid if she woke up in the dark alone. Nothing was intimidating about that.

It all seemed like a huge lie until she remembered the stories Kara had told her, which only made Lena feel guilty for being so glad that she was finally getting some time alone after everything she’d done for her. Kara gave up her job, her apartment, everything to take care of her and Lena couldn’t even remember anything about their friendship or relationship from before the accident. Kara gave her so much and Lena couldn't do a single thing for herself.

Lena sighed and pressed her nails into her palm, doing the best to suppress the thought as she went back to reading. She couldn’t let herself get upset over this, it was just immature. It didn’t matter how badly she wanted to be independent, she knew she couldn’t. The doctors knew it, her mother knew it, the whole world did. So she wasn’t allowed to complain about how perfect Kara was or how she hated that she couldn’t do anything for her in return. She was stuck. Stuck on the couch with no memories, a broken leg, wrist, and dislocated elbow. The closest to independence she’d ever get was reading her old emails and trying to picture who she’d once been. 

And eventually, after a little while, something about reading the messages and spreadsheets started to feel almost comforting. It was all a confirmation that Lena had been a real person before everything happened, that her life had mattered, even if she couldn’t remember it. She was part of the world outside her penthouse in the sky, and no amount of amnesia could take that away from her. 

Lena gave a satisfied smile as she set her laptop back on the coffee table. With her right hand, she grabbed the arm of her wheelchair and pushed all her weight onto her left leg so she could transfer herself over from the couch. It was harder to navigate herself with just one arm, she still occasionally had to push off furniture and hope she wouldn’t turn herself into a broken bumper car if she went too fast when she tried to steer herself in the right direction. But Lena managed. If there was one thing she’d learned from all this, is she was very good at adapting, regardless of the circumstance. Or at least, she liked to think that was true. 

“Fuck,” Lena muttered as she wheeled herself into the bathroom and accidentally bumped into the sink. So much for being able to adapt to anything.

She sighed and slipped her right leg out of its supports as she pushed herself up with her right arm so she could move over to the toilet. But forgetting to lock the wheels before moving, the chair slipped out from under her. Lena fell to the ground as the chair rolled back into the hall and toppled over onto its side, leaving Lena stranded and crying out in pain as her broken leg hit the ground. 

“Fuck!” 

Lena moaned and pulled her good leg into her chest, beginning to rock back and forth, and clenching her jaw as she tried to find something to focus on other than the intense ache shooting through her leg.

Under any other circumstances, she would’ve called out for Kara. She would’ve been humiliated and apologized profusely, but she would’ve needed her. And Kara would’ve helped just like she always did. She would’ve been kind and understanding and she would do her best to shield Lena from her own shame. But Kara was at CatCo and even if Lena’s phone hadn’t been in the living room, it wouldn’t have been fair to call Kara just because she needed help using the bathroom.

So once again, Lena was stuck. She sat in the middle of the room, too far away from any appliances that she could’ve used to help push herself off the ground. She could crawl to the toilet or back to her wheelchair, but she could hardly handle the throbbing pain in her leg sitting still, she knew she wouldn’t be able to take it if she moved. That left her with no choice but to sit, stuck on the bathroom floor, and wait for Kara to come to give her help she didn’t even want.

* * *

“Lena?”

Kara kicked off her shoes by the front door and made her way through the apartment, scanning the living room and kitchen for her friend. Lena’s laptop sat closed on the coffee table, the blanket and pillow she’d been using to elevate her leg discarded on the floor. 

“No no no,” Kara muttered to herself, listening for the sound of Lena’s heartbeat. She could feel herself standing in the front of the apartment the way she had been a few days ago, trying to find her heart but only hearing a slow, muted thumping coming from upstairs. 

“Lena?” Kara called out again, this time with more urgency. She could hear her heartbeat which meant she was still in the penthouse. But Kara couldn’t bring herself to use her x-ray vision unless she knew Lena was in real danger. She wanted to-- she wanted to check and make sure she was alright more than anything, but it just felt like an unnecessary invasion of privacy and Kara couldn’t break her trust like that. Not after everything she’d been through the past few weeks. 

“I…” It was Lena’s voice, hoarse and raspy, coming from the other end of the penthouse. “I’m in here.” 

Kara nodded, following the sound of her beating heart to the bathroom which was where she found Lena, sitting in the middle of the floor. She was staring down at the floor, her cheeks bright pink and stained with dried out tears. 

“Are you alright?” Kara asked as she knelt beside her. It was then that she noticed the puddle around Lena’s legs. She didn’t have to ask to know that was why she’d been crying. 

“I’m fine,” Lena said, refusing to meet her eyes. 

“Do you need--”

“I don’t need help.” 

“Can I--”

“No,” Lena cut her off, immediately regretting it when she saw the hurt look on Kara’s face. She just couldn’t stop, all the rage and resentment she had towards herself had been building inside for so long and now it was finally starting to bubble over. It didn’t matter that she needed help, she didn’t care. All she wanted was to be able to get herself to the bathroom on her own without wetting herself as if she were a little kid. 

“I-- I have six degrees,” she blurted out with a mirthless laugh. “That’s what you told me, I have six degrees.”

Kara nodded silently, unsure of what that had to do with anything.

“I’m twenty-five fucking years old with a Ph.D. I used to run _two_ major companies and I… I just…” Lena’s voice broke. She couldn’t even bring herself to finish the sentence, it was all too mortifying. “Why do you always help me?” 

“What?”

“Every time I have just the slightest bit of trouble, you’re there like my knight in shining armor,” Lena cried. “I- I’m not some princess in a tower you don’t need to save me!” 

“I know, I’m not trying to,” Kara said.

“Please just stop! It’s too much I-- I don’t need help!”

Kara nodded, a lump rising to the top of her throat. “I- if I crossed a boundary, I… I’m really sorry.”

As tears sprung to Kara’s eyes, the weight of Lena’s words finally hit her. She’d snapped, all the hatred she’d been keeping boxed up for weeks now, it was out. Only it hadn’t come to Lena like it was supposed to, it was all directed at Kara. Sweet and loving Kara who was only trying to help.

Lena shook her head, looking back at the ground as she began to sob once more. How could she be so terrible? Kara would never hurt a fly-- she was perfect, aggravatingly so, and this was how Lena repaid her? She didn’t deserve it, she didn’t deserve any of it.

“No, Kara, no, you didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“But you’re mad at me,” Kara said. It was more of a question than a statement. She just didn’t understand what Lena was trying to say. All she knew for sure was she’d never meant to overstep, she’d only ever wanted to help. But maybe she’d gone too far. That was what everyone always told her. She talked too much, she got too excited or too invested. She was never able to tell what was too much or too little and she always ended up screwing it up. She just never thought she’d mess it up with Lena too. 

“I’m not mad at you,” Lena cried quietly. “I’m mad at myself and I… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped.”

“I… it’s okay,” Kara said, unsure of how else to respond. 

“I just, I’m angry with myself and I-- everything hurts and… that’s not an excuse, I shouldn’t have yelled, I’m sorry.” 

“Thank you,” Kara said and swallowed the lump in her throat. “But you need help and I… I promised I’d be the one to take care of you, so please, just for now, let me help.” 

Lena nodded as her silent tears continued to fall. She couldn’t bring herself to say a word as Kara lifted her up and carried her over to the toilet so she could help her out of her sweatpants. 

“You fell earlier… does anything hurt?”

“My leg,” Lena said quietly. 

“Okay.” Kara nodded. “Your cast is also pretty wet, we should go to the DEO to get it checked out, just in case.” 

Great. Now she’d get to explain to Alex that her cast was ruined because she’d peed herself of all things. 

“Kara, I’m so sorry for yelling.” 

This time though, Kara didn’t look up at her and smile the way she always did. She just bit her lip and focused on examining Lena’s cast so she wouldn’t have to meet her gaze. 

“You’re always so good to me,” Lena continued. She didn’t care if Kara didn’t talk to her, she knew she didn’t deserve forgiveness. She just needed her to know how sorry she was, she needed her to know how much she cared. “You’ve shown me nothing but kindness and I… that wasn’t fair what I said. And I’m really sorry so if I… if there’s anything I can do to make it up to you, I’ll do it.”

* * *

“You know this is the DEO, not the ER, right?” Alex said as she walked into the med bay and found Lena sitting on one of the exam tables with Kara standing tentatively by her side. 

“Kara, we can just go to the hospital, it’s fine,” Lena whispered, her cheeks turning bright pink with shame. 

“No, it’s okay.” Kara looked back over at Alex and shot her a glare. “Alex would be happy to help you out.” 

Alex sighed and nodded. She grabbed a pair of gloves and snapped them on and made her way over to Lena. “She always is. So, what seems to be the problem.” 

“I fell on my leg and my uh, my cast got wet.” 

Alex raised an eyebrow as she began to look over Lena’s cast. “How’d that happen?” 

“I…” Lena drew in a breath and closed her eyes, trying to prepare herself for the humiliation to come when Alex found out what actually happened. 

“I was getting a glass of water and I tripped and it spilled all over her,” Kara said without missing a beat. “You know how clumsy I am.” 

Alex nodded with a chuckle. “What about the fall?” 

“I was trying to get out of my wheelchair and I forgot to put the brakes on so it slipped out from under me.” 

“Ouch,” Alex said as she removed her gloves, signaling she was done with the exam. “Well, the bad news is, you’re gonna need a new cast. And I want to get an x-ray of your leg, just to make sure the bones are still healing properly after your fall. So I’ll go get the saw, we’ll do the x-ray, and then I’ll fit you for a new cast.” 

“Alright.” 

“Okay, I’m gonna go get everything for the removal, I’ll be back in a minute.” 

Once Alex was out the door, Lena looked up at Kara, who was staring down at the ground and fidgeting with her fingers. 

“Do you think I’m too much?” Kara asked, glancing back at her. “I mean, I guess that’s kind of what you said earlier-- and I’m not trying to make you feel bad, I know you do, so I’m not trying to make you feel worse. I just-- people have always kind of said that you know?” 

She shook out her sweaty palms and chuckled nervously. She didn’t want to ramble like this but she couldn’t get herself to stop. It had always been a problem, people constantly got annoyed with how much she talked. But before the accident, Lena had loved it. When she wasn’t in the office, she was shy and reserved and loved to listen, especially to Kara, who was eternally so passionate about everything. She let her go on and on about her interests and she never seemed to have a problem with it. Even after the accident, that part of Lena was still there. Now though, she said the help was too much, that it was overwhelming. And if that was too much, did that mean so was everything else? Kara had no way of knowing. 

“I’ve always kind of focused way too hard on things and once I get hung up on something it’s just hard to think about other stuff and I don’t know, I guess I was so hyper fixated on helping you that I started doing too much again. And normally you seemed okay with it, so I- I guess I never really thought I might’ve been annoying you or anything like that.” 

Lena shook her head. “No, Kara, you’re not too much,” she said softly. “You care so much and that… that is one of the things I love about you.” 

She reached out and took Kara’s hand in her own, her breath catching in her throat as she initiated the gesture. “But the more you tell me about myself and the more I learn, the more I see how independent I used to be. You always said I was stubborn and powerful and I could make men crumble with just one glance. And now, I’m a mess and all of that is gone and I just… I’ve been so angry for so long.” 

Lena sighed, running the pad of her thumb over Kara’s knuckles. “I’ve been trying really hard to keep it in, but today I think earlier I just couldn’t take it anymore. But I never meant to take it out on you, I was projecting everything and I shouldn’t have done that.” 

“You’re still powerful now, even if things are different.” Kara smiled as she gave Lena’s hand a squeeze. “If I lost all my memories, I wouldn’t have handled it as well as you did. And that shows a lot of strength.” 

She hesitated and chewed on her lip, looking away from Lena for just a moment. “I just… I know I talk too much and get too excited with stuff. I don’t want to overwhelm you… I know I can be a lot.” 

“No, Kara, I love listening to you talk.” 

“Really?” 

Lena nodded. “I know you think it’s too much or that you’re too much, but I love when you talk to me, I always have.” 

She inched over so she was sitting on the edge of the exam table and patted the spot next to her so Kara would sit beside her. 

“The first thing I remember-- other than what’s come to me in dreams, is you singing that Taylor Swift song to me. A lot of it’s still foggy, but I remember hearing you telling me about your day or what I was missing at work. And you’d always remind me that I was gonna be okay,” Lena said with a sad smile. “When I woke up and I didn’t know who or where I was or anything else, you were there, your voice was still there. And you kept coming back, every day like you said you would.” 

Lena snuck her arm around Kara’s waist and pulled her close, letting Kara lay her head on her shoulder. 

“I know it sounds dumb, but your voice has been the only constant for me. That being in a continuous state of confusion,” Lena added with a light laugh. “I can’t explain it, but every time I hear you, I just know I’m safe and I know I’ll be alright. So even if you think it’s too much, to me, it’s perfect.” 

“Alright lovebirds, are you ready for me to cut this thing off?” Alex asked, grinning way too happily as she re-entered the med bay and held up the saw she’d use on Lena’s cast. 

“You’re sure you know what you’re doing with that?” Kara asked. 

“Yes. I’m great with a saw,” Alex said. But neither Kara nor Lena seemed convinced. “I wanted to be an orthopedic surgeon, I know how to cut off a freaking cast, guys!” 

“Okay, just be careful, or we’re going to a real hospital next time,” Kara retorted. 

“You should’ve gone to a real hospital today,” Alex said. “You guys are lucky I love you so much. Now, are you ready, Lena?” 

Lena nodded. “I’m ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trust me i didn't want to write them arguing either (it wasn't even arguing lena just yelled) but they've been cooped up together for so long, it was bound to happen eventually so pls don't be mad :)  
> also feel free to leave comments, feedback, questions, and all that, I love hearing from you guys!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's a short chapter :')

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, coming back after like 3 months of not posting: ayo, good morning kanye  
> y'all who were left on like 10 chapters of angst and given no explanation: shut the fuck up

“So… what do you think?” 

“I like it,” Lena said, unable to think of a better way to phrase her intrigue. “It’s very you.” 

“Oh, thanks.” 

Lena smiled and ducked her head, looking back at the little collection of ceramic frogs on the shelf by Kara’s window. 

They’d only been at her loft for a few minutes; Lena had been slowly wheeling herself around, trying to take it all in and try to connect the pieces back to the Kara she’d grown to know. There was so much she’d never realized she hadn’t known about her, now Lena was doing her best to put it all together before they inevitably had to leave.

They were supposed to be on their way to the doctors so Lena could get the cast on her wrist cut off and replace it with a brace. But they’d been almost an hour early seeing as Lena still had the same _fifteen minutes early is on time and on time is fifteen minutes late_ mindset as she’d had before the accident, which had resulted in them being out the doorway before they needed to. Luckily, Kara’s loft was on the way, so she’d suggested stopping which Lena agreed to, secretly hoping maybe the sight of her friend's things might help spark some covered memories. 

“Did you do those?” Lena asked, gesturing to the piled up stack of canvases leaning against the back wall. 

“Yeah, I haven’t painted in a while but those are mine,” Kara said. Her voice was just slightly bashful, a blush creeping up to her cheeks. 

“Why’d you stop?” Lena didn’t think before she asked. She was so distracted trying to see the whole picture through the obstructions of the layered canvases, reality almost seemed to slip away from her for a moment. 

“I don’t know… I just got too busy, I don’t really have the time anymore,” Kara explained, rubbing the back of her neck as she took a step towards the paintings. “And then after the accident… I guess I kind of lost all my motivation.” 

Lena pursed her lips and nodded, a sour taste sitting in the back of her mouth. “If it hadn’t happened, do you think you’d still paint?”

Kara slipped her hands into her back pockets and gave an honest shrug. “I really can’t say-- I mean I might’ve but with work and everything I don’t know.” 

“Oh.” Lena bowed her head.

It all made sense. If she’d never gotten hurt, Kara would’ve been so much happier. She could see it in her eyes how exhausted she was. She was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders as Supergirl only to come home to Lena, who still needed help with everything. 

They’d agreed from the start that if things became too much they’d make other arrangements. Had they gotten to that point already?

“Hey, can I show you the plants I’d been trying to grow?” Kara asked, pulling Lena out of her head. “Alex promised to take care of them, so I’m pretty sure they’re all dead now, but they used to be really pretty.” 

“Yeah, of course.” 

Lena wheeled over to her, smiling up at Kara as she showed her into her kitchen space. Maybe it was the big open windows or maybe it was just Kara in general, but she seemed to have almost a golden glow to her as she showed off her different plants. It was like warm honey, soft and smooth, and perfect in every way. 

Lena didn’t want to ruin that. She loved who Kara was, how she always managed to be so optimistic, and how passionate she was about the things she cared for. But it seemed as though the more Kara did for her, the more everything else was dulled. 

“You should bring them all back,” Lena said softly. “Make sure Alex doesn’t continue to ruin them.”

Kara paused. “Really? I- I don’t want to mess up your apartment with my stuff.” 

Lena shook her head. “It’s okay, my apartment’s filled with medical crap, some flowers would be nice. Besides, if you were to tell me I loved having plants around before everything happened, I’d never know the difference.” 

“I guess,” Kara said with a chuckle, mindlessly reaching out to tuck a stray piece of Lena’s hair behind her ear. “But I wouldn’t lie to you.” 

“I know. I trust you, Kara.” Lena smiled and took Kara’s hand in hers, giving it a small squeeze. “Can you uh… before we go, can you show me everything else?” 

“What do you mean? You’ve seen all of it.” 

Lena shrugged as she played with Kara’s fingers. “Like… I know I’ve seen it, but there’s so much I don’t get. I still really don’t know much about you or the things you like, so I suppose I just want you to show me.” 

“Oh.” Kara nodded. “Yeah, I can do that.”

She took the back of Lena’s wheelchair and pushed her through the loft, pulling back the curtain that separated her bedroom from the rest of the apartment. They stopped by her bed, Kara walking over to her dresser and taking a medium-sized jewelry box off the top. She sat down on the bed beside Lena, removing the lid to show her the inside. 

“Are those…” 

“This is my rock collection,” Kara said, chuckling at the confession. “I know it sounds weird, but when I first got to Earth, I didn’t really have any friends. I didn’t get social cues or just… why people acted the way that they did. And I mean, I still don’t. But I guess I’ve gotten better at masking it.” 

Kara handed the box to Lena, who began to sort through the different stones, holding them in her hands and running her fingers over them. 

“So I used to pick up rocks in the back yard and give them names so I could talk to them the way I was used to talking, not the way Alex and everyone else wanted me to.” 

“How were you used to talking?” Lena lifted her gaze so she was looking right into Kara’s eyes, her breath hitching when she realized how close together they were. 

“In Kryptonese,” Kara said. “My mom… she uh, she used to sing me these lullabies when I was sick or had a bad dream. And on Earth, I didn’t have anyone to do that anymore. So mostly I’d just sing. I think it helped for a while… it made me feel like I still had a little piece of home.” 

Kara bit her lip, cringing at how pathetic it must’ve sounded. “I’m sorry that's-- I’ve never really told anyone that before, I know how weird it is, we don’t have to keep talking about it.” 

“It’s not weird,” Lena said and shook her head. She handed the box back to Kara and set a hand on her knee, smiling sadly. “I know it isn’t the same at all what happened to me, but to have your whole world just taken from you like that… there’s absolutely no shame in holding onto wanting to hold onto what you have left.” 

“I guess so.” 

“And if you ever want to talk about it, I’d love to hear about Krypton,” Lena said. 

“Really?” Kara asked, unable to tell if Lena was being serious or if she was just saying it to make her feel better. 

But Lena nodded, smiling warmly as she moved her hand from Kara’s knee to intertwined their fingers together. 

“Of course.” 

* * *

Lena sat on the ER exam table, watching the saw cut through her cast in a perfectly straight line. 

“There you go,” the nurse practitioner said, setting it down and pulling the cast open so Lena could remove her arm. “You’re good as new. How does it feel?” 

Taking a minute to observe, Lena turned her hand over a few times to get a good look. It was different than what she’d expected. Boney and bright pink, flakes of dead skin scattered across where the plaster had been. 

“It’s… small,” she commented. “This arm’s so skinny compared to the other one now… it just looks weird.” 

“Well, you’ll get the muscle back soon once you start PT,” Kara reminded her. She sat down at the edge of Lena’s exam table and took her brand new hand in her own, tracing her thumb over the pale, pink, skin.

“Oh, Kara, that’s gross,” Lena laughed as she pulled her arm away. 

“Don’t worry, I’m gonna clean off all the dead skin for you now,” the nurse spoke up, holding up a container of disinfectant wipes. 

“So now that it’s off… I can start using both arms again, right?” Lena asked as the nurse took back her wrist so she could wipe it down. 

“Not just yet. You’ll still need to go easy on yourself for a little while. But if you promise not to bear any weight on your elbow or wrist for another week, we can get rid of the sling too.” 

“That’s great!” Kara explained. She looked over at Lena, grinning from ear to ear with enthusiasm. 

But Lena didn’t say a word. Her face fell completely. She just watched as the nurse continued to clean her lower arm, her lips pulling into a frown. 

“That’s good news, right?” Kara said, her voice soft and low. 

Lena nodded. She bit her lip, looking down at Kara’s hand placed next to hers. 

“Yeah,” she mumbled. “It’s good.” 

* * *

“So, how does it feel to have two fully functional arms?” Kara asked as she pulled her car out of the parking lot. 

“It’s weird,” Lena said with an awkward laugh, examining her arm, which was now in a black brace, once more. “My arm is so tiny now… it doesn’t feel like it belongs to me.” 

“Yeah, but once you start using it again it’ll get bigger,” Kara said, doing her best to get Lena to perk up. 

“I know.” 

“I just… you don’t really seem excited. This is a really big deal, Lena.” 

Lena nodded, sighing as she fell back against the car seat. She ran a hand through her hair and looked out the window, feeling a lump rise to the top of her throat.

She wished she could explain that it wasn’t just her arm. It wasn’t just her broken bones starting to heal. Because that, maybe on some level, Lena was happy about. She was getting better, Lena knew that. Her hand was healing and in a few more weeks she’d get the cast on her leg replaced with an air boot. She’d be able to walk on crutches instead of having to push herself around in a wheelchair. And in a few months after that, she’d get to walk on her own again. 

Lena was getting better, it was undeniable. She just couldn’t bring herself to be happy about it. 

“I-- I am excited,” Lena said. She looked back at Kara, forcing herself to manage a small smile. She couldn’t get into it now, it wouldn’t make any sense. And it wouldn’t be fair to put it all on Kara, not after everything she’d done for her. 

“Do you want to do something to celebrate?” Kara asked. “We could watch a movie, order pizza and potstickers?”

“I think you’d like that more than me,” Lena teased. “But yeah, we can if you want to.” 

“Well, no, we should do what you want to do,” Kara said, furrowing her brow as she tried to think of something else Lena might enjoy. “Chess and… and kale salads?” 

“I want therapy,” Lena blurted out, laughing at her bluntness when she saw the mix of shock and what looked like horror on Kara’s face. 

“What? I-- yeah, that sounds good but-- but what?” 

“You just-- you mentioned it, you know, when I was in the hospital,” Lena explained. 

“Yeah,” Kara said, though, she still wasn’t quite following. She’d thought they were just making dinner plans. Yeah, she was all for Lena getting therapy, the statement just didn’t make any sense whatsoever. 

“I don’t know, I’ve just been thinking… and I know I’m getting better-- my body’s getting better so maybe it won’t matter but last week I-- I snapped at you,” Lena said, her tone becoming more serious as she reached the end of her sentence. “And maybe now I’m past the point of really needing it but I… there’s like this sludge in my chest and this… this dirt all over me and I just want to stop feeling this way.” 

“Just because your body’s getting better doesn’t mean therapy won’t help,” Kara said softly. “What happened to you… that was extremely traumatic. So trust me, it isn’t too late, talking to someone could still be really helpful.” 

She drummed her fingers against the steering wheel and bit down on the inside of her mouth, watching as the gears began turning in Lena’s head.

“And the whole thing last week, you apologized for that. If I were in your place, I probably would’ve yelled too.”

Lena shook her head. “I know, but Kara, that doesn’t make it better. I was still wrong, I shouldn’t be yelling when you try help. I- I don’t _want_ to yell when you try to help, I want to be okay with it.”

“Then yeah, I think you should go,” Kara said, offering a warm smile. “I… I’m really proud of you, Lena?”

“For what?” Lena raised an eyebrow. 

“For knowing you want to get real help. It isn’t an easy decision to come to, so, I’m proud of you for getting there.” 

Lena bowed her head, her cheeks turning beet red as the words _I’m proud of you_ rang out in her ears. Something about how sure Kara sounded was so reassuring. She just sounded so positive-- like she really was proud, she wasn’t just saying it for the sake of filling the silence. She meant it. She cared and she meant it. And maybe it was silly the way it made Lena feel, but something about gave her the hope that maybe things between them would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry that was such an underwhelming basic ass boring chapter after like 3 months on hiatus  
> I honestly don't really know why I stoped updating this fic. for a while, it was my favorite thing i'd ever written, but then I kinda lost my motivation and gave up on it. for a while, I just planned on never updating it again, but clearly that didn't work out, so here we are. I'm not sure when the next chapter will be since I'm in the middle of college applications right now, but hopefully it won't take another 3 months  
> edit-- everything above still stands BUT the more I was thinking about it yesterday, I realized I wanted to come back to this fic bc I missed seeing you guys. idk why, but I ended up getting very emotionally attached to the readers with this fic, more so than I normally do. so yeah, I know I'm the WORST when it comes to responding to comments but know that they really do mean everything to me


End file.
